You might think the coaches would reach out to us to ask why, or even to stop him in the hallways at school one day and ask him what he’s up to, but you’d be mistaken. We did not discuss our reasons with anyone, nor did we express any displeasure with the program in a way that the coaches should simply know why B is done with swimming. He simply did not come back for the summer and now fall seasons.

Strangely, we continue to receive information from the coaches and parent committee about fundraising, deadlines for meet entries, meetings, and the team photo. If you checked our in-box, you would think he was as active as he’d ever been. We even received bills for both the summer and fall seasons, with another invoice arriving yesterday for the winter season. Apparently, no one’s noticed that my son is no longer part of the team.

Now before you say it was his obligation to go to the coaches and speak with them, you need to understand that is not the way this team works. There is a good amount of turnover (because of how the program is run), and some departees are aggressively pursued and begged to come back while others are not. My husband did advise one of the assistant coaches back in the summer that B would not be back, and we indicated on both bills we’ve received that B is no longer part of the team. But, somebody isn’t listening.

To us, this simply reinforces one of the biggest reason’s B decided to stop being part of the team: he felt invisible. As indicated above, coaches did not learn his name, and nobody is inquiring why B isn’t part of the team anymore. I know it takes a lot to manage a team, but B’s coaches could’ve handled things differently. Had they asked why he wasn’t part of the team anymore, he would’ve felt valued and might have surprised them with his answer.

These athletes learn skills that are important for lifelong success. They learn about sportsmanship, dedication, self-esteem, and self worth. They must learn to work together as a team. They must overcome differences between teammates and become a cohesive unit. They are pushed to do their best at all times, to give 110%. They are determined and hardworking to achieve goals. The cheerleading organization that we are part of does not allow any negative behaviors or attitudes (including towards other teams). They believe that it is more important to show good character and sportsmanship. They have made it their philosophy to foster the important qualities of integrity, loyalty, respect, hard work, dedication, commitment, and structure in order to develop world class competitors.

The cheerleaders also learn some life lessons that are not fun, but they are part of life. Sometimes even though the team does their best, they still don’t win. There may be another team that had a slightly higher level of difficulty, or maybe their performance was a little bit cleaner. The cheerleaders have to learn to handle disappointment and instead show good sportsmanship and congratulate the winners. And they hold on to that hope that next time they will perform a little bit better, and they may win first place at their next competition. Then there is the situation where a teammate makes a mistake – drops a stunt or falls during tumbling. The cheerleaders have to learn how to handle this situation – do they get angry at the teammate and blame them, or do reassure them that it’s ok and encourage them for next time?

Nicole and her teammates work harder than any other athletes I have seen. They practice 2-3 times per week (sometimes more during competition season), and practices are 2-3 hours each. They are required to wear specific practice clothes and they must be on time or the entire team must do conditioning exercises. They cannot miss practice without prior permission from their coach, and only for certain “excused” reasons. They are taught to be disciplined. Like I said, it is hardcore. But Nicole loves it, and I love it too.

One of the benefits of Nicole keeping so busy with cheer is that she doesn’t have time to get into trouble! I believe that kids who are home alone and bored are the most likely kids to get into trouble. I also believe that children will behave similarly to those around them. If your child is hanging with the wrong crowd, they are likely to get into trouble. I’m sure the kids on the cheer team aren’t perfect, but they seem to be really good kids! They are just as dedicated as Nicole, and I have met all their families, who are just as involved and supportive of their children.

Nicole has had to learn to prioritize her time to make sure she gets her homework and chores done, since cheer practice takes up so much of her time. Sometimes she can’t go to social events because she has practice, but she understands that she must be 100% committed to her sport. As long as she is fully committed to this, and she keeps her grades up, I will continue to support my daughter with this extra-curricular activity.

This is a link to Intensity All-Stars, the cheer gym we are part of: http://www.intensityallstars.com/
This is a link to a video on YouTube showing my daughter and her cheer team at a national competition in Las Vegas: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fgH0cg-xtKI

So many of the choices he makes stand out to my wife and I as having “what would Dad do?” in them. We try to encourage him to be his own person, and I want nothing other than for him to make choices that will bring him happiness. I’d be lying, though, if I didn’t admit that I find it flattering how highly he regards me.

So, I was touched two years ago when Jay asked me if he could put a championship trophy I earned playing street hockey on the shelf with the two runner-up trophies he earned in his street hockey league. I still have the text he sent me the night my team won the championship stored on my phone:

Wow Dad thats great. Can I have your trophy please? :O

He placed my trophy on his shelf, and proudly showed it to his friends when they came into his room. He shared his own trophies as well, but the pride in his voice was always evident when showing off my trophy.

This year we each played street hockey once again. My season ended first, with my team winning a second championship. We received another trophy, and I was surprised (but flattered) when my son asked me if he could have that one as well. “You can come and visit them anytime,” he told me.  For three months his shelf featured five nice sized trophies… his two runner up trophies, my two championship trophies, and a participation he earned for a roller hockey exhibition.

Well, Wednesday night was the awards ceremony for my son’s most recent street hockey season. The team had done better than expected but still finished in fourth place overall out of 7 teams. Unlike the runner-up trophies he’d earned in previous years, this consolation prize was the same trophy given to bottom five teams. It was a fraction of the size of the other trophies, had almost no detail… I expected to have to convince him to keep it.

On the way home from the awards ceremony, before I could address the topic, my son informed me “You can have your trophies back, Dad. I’m going to need room for this one and it’s getting crowded up there.”

I was so pleased that he valued his own accomplishment over mine. One of the (many) fears my wife and I have as we watch our kids grow up is that they will try too hard to please other people and lose their own identities and sense of self-worth in the process. I thanked my boy for having taken such good care of the trophies and asked him to help me find a good spot for them in my office.

“Make sure you leave room in case you win another next year!” he told me as we made the switch.

My boy is growing up, and if this is the kind of young man he’s growing into – I can’t complain at all.