My childhood existed without an allowance. We had chores and everyone pitched in to help. If I wanted something I asked Mom and Dad. If they said “no” and I really wanted it, I had to learn the art of negotiation. It didn’t always work, but sometimes I got lucky.

When I was a teenager, my parents gave me a car and a gas card – now before you assume that I was some sort of rich spoiled teen, let me explain. I am the youngest of 4 and the car was a hand me down of a hand me down of a hand me down. And that gas card? My Dad checked the mileage on my car against what I was spending at the gas station every month. The car was getting to and from school because we lived in a rural area and that’s what I needed.

Finally, when I was in college, my parents gave me an allowance. $400 a month and that included everything. I had to work within my means. I didn’t always, but for the most part it was a good life lesson on spending.

My husband on the other hand did have an allowance. He learned early on about saving for what he wanted to buy and it gave him a little independence on making his own purchase decisions. Even so, I’m riddled with questions on how it would work. What is the right age for an allowance? What am I giving them an allowance for anyway? If it’s for chores what happens when I ask my kids to do something that’s not on their ‘allowance chore list’? And, what about monitoring what they spend their money on? I fully expect an argument if my daughter purchases something with “her money” that I believe is not age appropriate.

I would like to think that I provide them with what they need. If my daughter needs a new pair of shoes, I’ll get them for her. If, however she wants a pair of shoes because she just stopped liking the shoes she ‘had to have’ a month ago, then I’ll pass. Should she be allowed to spend “her money” on the new shoes?

On one hand, I could give them allowance to buy want they want with “their money”. On the other hand, should I really encourage my children to spend money on items they may want today but actually do not need? My 10 year old son changes his mind at the drop of a hat – and don’t even get me started on the ever changing trends of a teenage girl. Today’s precious items become tomorrow’s garage sale junk piles and the $50 neon Vans special order shoes are not as special after a month or so.

There are benefits to getting an allowance – your children start to learn about money, and if you set up a savings account it’s a great lesson on banking and savings. It’s also a valuable lesson on giving a percentage to charitable causes. This is one of those items in my house that will remain undecided – for now. At least kids will still need to do their chores.

“Elephant theme?” I asked. “Why elephants?” She explained that instead of the party guests bringing her son gifts, they were being asked to contribute a small dollar amount that would be pooled and used to “adopt” an elephant calf at the San Diego Zoo. With a minimum donation of $35, children can adopt an elephant calf. The funds are used for medical care, food, and enrichment items for a baby elephant. The child who makes the donation receives an adoption certificate, a photograph of their adopted elephant, and an animal fact sheet so they can learn more about the animal.

When I heard about this, I thought, “What a great idea!” Every time I host a birthday party for my daughter, her well-meaning friends give her lots of little trinkets and toys, AKA more junk! She doesn’t have room for any more toys in her bedroom, and chances are, she won’t play with them after the first week anyway!

The mom explained to me that this is something she has done with her children for the past few years, and although they were reluctant in the beginning to give up getting birthday presents, they have since learned how good it feels to give back and to help someone or something in need.

This is something I have tried to instill in my own children for a long time, without much success. I want them to know how fortunate they are to have a safe home, food on the table every night, clothes in their closets, and a family that loves them. Sometimes I wish I could take them to third world countries to see how people live with so much less. When they complain about how unfair it is that Suzy at school has the newest iPod or smartphone and all her clothes come from the designer stores at the mall while theirs don’t,  it makes me want to scream! I have come to realize that my children are spoiled.  My efforts to provide a comfortable life for them have resulted in children who always want more and better, and can never seem to be satisfied with what they have.

So I am left to ponder, what can I do now to change this? Perhaps they should volunteer their time to give back to society – feed the homeless, work in a soup kitchen or shelter, give to the less fortunate. I can have them give a portion of their allowance to charity, or raise money for victims of a natural disaster like the recent earthquakes and tsunamis in Japan.  I will definitely change how I plan the next birthday party – I will have her start researching now where she wants her birthday donations to go. I will encourage my children to be more compassionate, more giving, and less focused on themselves as they become young adults.

“Studies show that participating in charitable activities can help boost your children’s self-esteem, build confidence and help shape their values. Doing charitable works is enriching, valuable and self-perpetuating; kids learn that helping others can be fun and makes them feel good.”
(Derek Ferriera and Martin Johnson, 2010)

You can learn more about the San Diego Zoo’s Adopt an Animal program here – http://www.sandiegozoo.org/adopt/animal.html

For some reason, my child’s school district has decided that we need 4 opportunities each year (not including make-ups) to buy a photograph of our child in front of a photoshopped patriotic or tropical background.

Honestly, my suspicion is that someone in the district has close ties to the photography studio. I find it hard to believe that these “$18 for two 5×7 photos and 6 wallet-size” are the result of a bid process or that anyone truly believes this many photo ops are necessary. I’m equally suspicious that the school receives a small “finders fee” from each photo package sold. I see no other justification for why these  photo ops are more heavily promoted than school band concerts or back-to-school night. I’d rather have more information about my child’s next science test than to already know the school picture dates for 2012 and 2013.

I admit that I do want to buy the class group photo  (at least until my child was in middle school); however, I also wanted the format to be similar year to year. I buy these photos to record the progression of time and would have preferred Grades 1 – 6 to have been the same size photo, taken from the same approximate angle, on comparable weight photo paper.  Sadly, this is not the case. But hey, what can I expect when I’m only paying $12-15 per photo, right?

The individual “headshots” are another matter. I don’t mind buying one per year (although, again, they are very overpriced). However, I do not appreciate my child being pressured to dress nicely for a second and third “picture day” on which I do not intend to buy the photo. I do not appreciate the letter home telling me (generically) that I may not have realized how much my child has grown and their appearance changed since October December March and that I need to spend $20 or more so that the school-endorsed photographer can save me from my own apathy

How about you send me a letter telling me about how my child is performing academically or behaving? My child brings home five half-completed pieces of artwork each year and somehow gets a B+ in Art. Why not send a letter home explaining why the artwork isn’t complete or even what it was intended to be when it was finished?

I see that another parent has already posted on this site about the burden of fundraising. Many of her points apply here.  I say add school book fairs and picture days to the list of  things that need to be reconsidered. This parent’s bank account can’t take the strain.

[For the record, we will NOT be buying "Package G" today. My child was quite insistent about dressing for school picture day and very upset to learn that we were not going to be making a purchase. As a compromise we took a photo in our living room which I will Photoshop to have some exotic background. I'll print out a couple of 5 x 7 and 8 x 10 photos, maybe some wallet size too... for a total expense of $1.93. Maybe I should look into the school letting me be the photographer for a fifth school picture day.]

“Be sure to sponsor your son/daughter [insert name of child here] in the annual Jog-A-Thon. Top prizes include a free year book and lunch with the principal!”

This latest fundraiser involves the children collecting money for the quantity of laps they travel around the school’s basketball courts in 20 minutes. Basically, if I pledge $1 per lap and my son completed 10 laps, I would have to pay $10 to the cause. (I have to give them creative points for this one as it at least encourages kids to exercise.)

I fully acknowledge that the public school system is strapped for cash. I understand that a school facing budget cuts will usually cut extra-curricular activities such as the student government or chess club. I also know this, too often, is followed by severe cuts to art or music. Fundraisers are championed as a potential solution in order to pay for these programs.

However, anyone who knows me already knows that I have issues with fundraisers.

The fundraiser ‘events’ all seem to start off in the same way: an assembly is called, and whomever is running the fundraiser (usually the PTA), rallies the kids into a sales frenzy by enticing them with prizes for the top sellers. Even though I could purchase most of these ‘top prizes’ at the local discount store, the kids get hooked and they are off to the races, intent on being the top seller so they can bring home the glow in the dark yo-yo before anyone else.

This creates a dilemma for parents, such as myself, whose friends all have children of their own. Thanks to the rule of reciprocity, if my child approaches them about a fundraiser, I can expect a knock at my door from their child the next time around.

Another issue that I have with fundraisers is the sheer quantity of them. Let’s take my son as an example: between non-school activities and the school itself, we are given at least one fundraiser to participate in every month. I can’t help but wonder if my son is simply learning to be a salesperson. Not to say that sales is a bad career path; however, it is not the best fit for every child.) Most importantly, not every family can dish out the cash for this volume of fundraisers.

Children should not be peer pressured by their school system or the PTA to participate in these fundraising ‘events,’ but they are. Similarly, parents should not be put into the uncomfortable situation of having to explain to their child about why they can’t sponsor them (again) for the latest fundraiser, but we sometimes are. There has to be a better way to meet the financial needs of programs than to pressure our children to so frequently sell so many items for which most people have so little use.