The most interesting part of the show is the collection of talking heads they got for the show. In addition to some funny comics (Judy Gold, Chuck Nice, Chelsea Peretti, etc.) they also feature ex child stars like Danny Bonaduce, Leif Garrett and Todd Bridges. Now if you are a savvy TV lover like myself, you may remember that these stars not only used to be on TV but they have all been arrested for various offenses involving drugs.

As I watched the show, I wondered why they didn’t get more troubled child stars. Was Adam Rich unavailable? Did Brian Bonsall not get the message? Where was Corey Haim? Oh, right.

The big question, however, that comes up is why do so many child stars end up on the wrong side of the law? Is there something particularly troubling about being young and famous? Does being a child star automatically lead to drug use? Will every paragraph in this blog have three questions each?

The answer, of course, is no.

Bridges and Bonaduce are only different from Sheen and Dick in that the latter two got famous after they were eighteen. They were always drug using dingbats, they just weren’t in movies or on TV wen they were kids. Brian Bonsall would very likely be a drug addict whether he played TV’s fastest growing baby on Family Ties or not.

In short, don’t hate the TV, hate the TV star.

Hear more from the King of TV on The Paul Goebel Show podcast and at his website, www.TheKingofTV.com. You can also follow Paul on Twitter @PaulGoebelShow.

My husband and I established early on, way before we’d even brought our son home, that ours would be a non-spanking home. And we’ve stuck to that, though my husband has had his moments when he’s reconsidered, wondering whether it might be just the thing to turn around a child who clearly already thinks corporal punishment is a-okay considering his history of biting, pinching, kicking and hitting. The thing is that you can prepare yourself as much as possible, reading every book available about the best way to discipline a child, but once you actually have the child in front of you, all bets are off. Not to mention that the authors of those books tend to wildly disagree with each other, and occasionally even themselves, sometimes within the same book.

Since we brought home a child of two years of age who had already been unbelievably spoiled by his foster parents and had essentially never received any form of punishment, we had to try several methods before finding the right one to suit his needs, personality, and understanding – particularly as he spoke no English at all to start with. Sadly, brainwashing, while effective, is one of those techniques that will get you a little visit from Child Protective Services, so we had to stick with other options like time-outs, rescinding privileges, removing toys, and spending large swathes of time alone in his room. Unfortunately, this last one is hardly a punishment considering what most kids’ rooms look like these days, filled with toys, computers, televisions, and stereos. What every home really needs is an extra room with no windows, padding on the walls so the child can’t hurt himself when he flings himself at it repeatedly in an attempt to garner your sympathy and attention, and possibly some sort of protective wear to keep him from hurting himself, like, say, a straight jacket.

Not that I’m saying all children are insane and should be locked up, but… well, maybe that is what I’m saying. Certainly children can go through phases of behavior that seem like utter madness to adults.

Personally, I’ve always been a fan of allowing the punishment to fit the crime, which can sometimes be wickedly effective. Although there are some instances, for instance your child attempting to ride your basset hound without a saddle, that don’t resolve well into related punishments, unless you really want to saddle up your kid and let the dog drive him around the house for a bit. Though this may involve much duct tape (to keep the dog on board, of course) and may possibly end badly. One of the most genius moments that I remember of my childhood was the “candy diet” my parents put me on. If I remember correctly, it was after Halloween and I was whining and complaining about not being able to eat all my candy at once so that I’d be up all night barfing it right back up (but damn it, that was my right, having done all that begging to earn it.)

So my parents introduced the “candy diet”, under which rules I was only allowed to eat candy. Nothing else. If it wasn’t sugary or chocotastic, it wasn’t on the menu. I believe I lasted about three days before begging for a plain old sandwich, possibly of the tuna variety. And I still believe that that “diet” is the reason behind my lack of love for chocolate and sweets. You have to admit, it’s pretty genius.

The problem with these kind of punishments, is that the kid has to be old enough to really understand them. Now that my son is five, I think it’s time. If he says something insulting to me, I’ll be walking him to kindergarten in a house-coat and gold lamé leggings, possibly wearing fringed cowboy boots and curlers in my hair. And I can’t wait to make some really thrilling public service announcement-type plays and puppet shows using his favorite characters. No sense waiting until he’s an adult and allowing Hollywood to ruin his childhood heroes, right?

And one day, maybe he’ll even have enough fodder to write a book about his childhood -before he passes these same penal codes down to his own children.

A small, simple blue puppy caught her eye – and this little stuffed animal was one of the dozen or so stuffed animals given to my son during that first week of his life.

All of the animals were cute. There was a Pooh, a caterpillar, a giraffe, an elephant, … all the staples. But the blue puppy was just the right size and softness, it was the one which he always seemed to end up with in one-animal situations, and as weeks turned into months, “Puppy” became THE stuffed animal.

When my daughter was born two years later, I was surpriseed by how many things we had to replace for our second child. Despite the seeming hardiness of the items, a number of blankets and hardgoods hadn’t made it through the first two years of my son’s life. Weeks of poop, puke, and disinfecting had taken a toll … and then there was “Puppy”.

Although Puppy was increasingly by my son’s side, he was holding up surprisingly well. The stuffing was gone from his joints (pushed into the head, paws, and body) and the fur matted down, but no holes (knock on wood) or missing eyeballs. Still, he was such an important part of my boy’s life that I thought I’d better go get another one, just in case.

I visited the hospital gift shop, and found there were no puppies at all and no means of ordering one. I hit all the stores, Buy Buy Baby, Baby Depot, Babies R Us, Kay Bee Toys, Toys R Us… scoured the internet. No blue puppy. A few look alikes, but they were the wrong size and often had a “Little Rascals”/Target like ring around one eye.

I studied the tag on Puppy and emailed the manufacturing company. I sent photos of Puppy, explained his origins and significance, and begged them to scour their inventory or point me in the direction of a retailer – domestic or international. I was terrified of what might be if anything ever happened to Puppy.

[When I was growing up, my parents would have me leave my teddy bear by the fireplace on Christmas Eve when he was on the verge of disintegrating, and Santa would use his Christmas magic to restore my bear. Great foresight on my parents' part!]

Unfortunately, the company could not help me. Puppy was a discontinued model. It was now 3 1/2 years since we bought him, and even then he was a clearance item in their eyes.

I considered making a subtle switch while my boy was still young, but no… he would notice. I thought about removing Puppy from the danger zones, but no… he belonged with my boy. [Ironically, my son is terrified of real dogs - having been chased down and pounced on behind by a neighbor's loose dog]. Puppy needed to stay.

I checked ebay to no avail. And finally resigned myself to the fact that Puppy just might not make it.

Fast forward 7 years. I still check online and in stores for Puppy-clones. My son’s seen Godzilla vs. Destoroyah, so the prospect of a Puppy Jr. becoming the new Puppy when Puppy is destroyed, would have a precedent in the whole Godzilla saga. But Puppy’s hanging in there. He’s had one small hole at the seams, and in the spirit of Toy Story, Mom rushed to patch him up. We considered adding some stuffing in while the hole was there, but decided Puppy was doing just fine on his own.

As my son turns 11 this year, Puppy’s made it through the danger zone (although I am a little worried about what horrors he might be subjected to when my boy is 13 and learning about science). For now, Puppy still has a place in my boy’s room… but when the time comes we will pack him away to be preserved for when my son wants to share him with his own children.

These students are fucking stupid!

As one of the VPs at The College Board points out, the purpose of an essay question is to have students form a persuasive verbal argument. Regardless of the subject matter and which side of the issue you take, the question can be answered with successfully without using specific details in order to prove your point. Quoting another VP at The College Board, “everything you need to write the essay is in the essay prompt.”

What about the essay question that asks, “Is patience a virtue?” Considering that most high school students live in a world where everything is immediate, wouldn’t this question be unfair as well? Almost every high school age student is familiar with Twitter, Facebook and other outlets that enable him or her to immediately give and receive information. Whether it’s a quick dinner or the results of a pregnancy test, patience is something that is rarely required in the daily life of today’s young hipster.

What really bothers me about this outcry is that it clearly stems from the bias that people automatically have (or pretend to have) against reality television.

We can all agree that certain reality shows are worthless and barely even qualify as mindless fun,  but to lump them all together as a waste of time is as wrong as painting all sitcoms with the same brush. Do people consider Cheers and The Cosby Show garbage television just because they share the label of “sitcom” with Small Wonder and The Mike O’ Malley Show?

The other issue I see behind this controversy is the prevailing opinion of today’s young person that unless something involves them, it doesn’t matter. This attitude is usually expressed with the phrase, “I wasn’t even born yet.” (As if anything that happens before your birth should be of no importance to you.)

I find it delightfully ironic that these kids who are complaining are smart enough to know that an understanding of history is important to be a well-educated individual, but they are too stupid to realize that television, all television, is as much a part of history as any other media.

In other words, these students are fucking stupid!

Hear more from the King of TV on The Paul Goebel Show podcast and at his website, www.TheKingofTV.com. You can also follow Paul on Twitter @PaulGoebelShow.

For some reason, my child’s school district has decided that we need 4 opportunities each year (not including make-ups) to buy a photograph of our child in front of a photoshopped patriotic or tropical background.

Honestly, my suspicion is that someone in the district has close ties to the photography studio. I find it hard to believe that these “$18 for two 5×7 photos and 6 wallet-size” are the result of a bid process or that anyone truly believes this many photo ops are necessary. I’m equally suspicious that the school receives a small “finders fee” from each photo package sold. I see no other justification for why these  photo ops are more heavily promoted than school band concerts or back-to-school night. I’d rather have more information about my child’s next science test than to already know the school picture dates for 2012 and 2013.

I admit that I do want to buy the class group photo  (at least until my child was in middle school); however, I also wanted the format to be similar year to year. I buy these photos to record the progression of time and would have preferred Grades 1 – 6 to have been the same size photo, taken from the same approximate angle, on comparable weight photo paper.  Sadly, this is not the case. But hey, what can I expect when I’m only paying $12-15 per photo, right?

The individual “headshots” are another matter. I don’t mind buying one per year (although, again, they are very overpriced). However, I do not appreciate my child being pressured to dress nicely for a second and third “picture day” on which I do not intend to buy the photo. I do not appreciate the letter home telling me (generically) that I may not have realized how much my child has grown and their appearance changed since October December March and that I need to spend $20 or more so that the school-endorsed photographer can save me from my own apathy

How about you send me a letter telling me about how my child is performing academically or behaving? My child brings home five half-completed pieces of artwork each year and somehow gets a B+ in Art. Why not send a letter home explaining why the artwork isn’t complete or even what it was intended to be when it was finished?

I see that another parent has already posted on this site about the burden of fundraising. Many of her points apply here.  I say add school book fairs and picture days to the list of  things that need to be reconsidered. This parent’s bank account can’t take the strain.

[For the record, we will NOT be buying "Package G" today. My child was quite insistent about dressing for school picture day and very upset to learn that we were not going to be making a purchase. As a compromise we took a photo in our living room which I will Photoshop to have some exotic background. I'll print out a couple of 5 x 7 and 8 x 10 photos, maybe some wallet size too... for a total expense of $1.93. Maybe I should look into the school letting me be the photographer for a fifth school picture day.]

You can watch the final 6 minutes of the series finale here.

I actually think it’s a very good message that Lily turns down the chance to go to Paris and live out a dream… because it’s not her dream, it’s Miley’s.

I spent much of the first 45 minutes of the episode telling my daughter how wrong I thought it was for Lily to delay going to college because she couldn’t be with Miley. The early scenes of the episode are episode are full of whining about how the two BFFs are not going to be going to college together.

As a parent, I found this desperation to be together to be one of the things I have dreaded seeing develop in my daughter’s relationships with friends. I’m glad my daughter has someone she considers a best friend, but I expect that relationship to allow her to be her own person. I want to see her care about others but look out for herself at the same time.

“A good friend wouldn’t being saying those things. That’s actually bullying, what she’s doing there” I told my daughter, as Lily moped and repeatedly took shots at Miley for considering a movie deal with Steven Spielberg and Tom Cruise.

“Oh, that’s not right. Lily should do what she wants to do!” I said as Lily decided that if Miley wouldn’t go to college with her then she wasn’t going to go to college either.

What parent doesn’t dread their child making college and career plans based soley on what their high school sweetheart or best friend might do? Not to mention that the Hannah/Miley character is hardly the most stable person for someone to be following.

So, as the episode came to a close (the youtube clip above), we see Lily at the airport, reconsidering her decision. She shows all the strength and self-confidence I would hope to see in my daughter (or son) as she tells Miley that Paris is wonderful… “the problem is it’s your dream…”. Lily’s dream is college, and in a fantastic display of maturity and foresight, she says that no one can know if there might be another movie deal or tour or distraction down the road. Lily wishes Miley well, tells her she loves her, and heads out of the airport to return to college and follow her own dream.

That, to me, would have been the right message to send. Two great friends who grew up together, and love one another like sisters, are ready to go their own way… and that’s okay because both are doing what they really want to do, each is happy for the other, and there’s no reason to think that they won’t end up together down the road – maybe on some reunion show or spin off. At the very least it’s a happy ending.

The folks at Disney must’ve considered it too because this is an alternate ending they included on the DVDs…

However, that’s not the ending they showed on cable. On television (and in the first youtube clip), we are given three minutes more to watch. We see a mopey Miley and a contented Lily each going their own ways, and then ultimately… spoiler alert…. Miley shows up at college ready to be Lily’s roommate.

The studio audience cheers, but this father booed the screen.

The message sent was “if your best friend wont compromise on her dreams, you should compromise on yours.”

Luckily, my daughter doesn’t idolize Hannah Montana , but we still spent a good half-hour talking about what might’ve happened in the finale instead of what we’d seen and whether Hannah really made the right choice.

We talked about whether Hannah would really be happy or if she might always wonder “what if?” We talked about whether Lily might’ve been better off having a chance to make some new friends and not just be in Miley’s shadow. We talked about whether Speilberg and Cruise might’ve said “you know what? Forget her, let’s just get someone else” and never offered Miley a second chance. We talked about whether Miley’s ‘sacrifice’ would make Lilly feel like or Miley expect that Lily had to be the one who gave up her dreams next?

Again, I know this is all fiction on television, but it’s (semi-)realistic fiction. And whether she loves Miley/Hannah or not, she watched the show attentively enough that we had much to talk about afterward about what my daughter would do differently (or the same) if she were in each of those girls’ shoes.

I was reassured and pleased by my daughter’s views on things, but that didn’t lessen my disappointment in Disney and the shows writers for the path they chose to take. As my daughter put it “it’s not like one of the girls was sick or there was some sort of emergency!”

I am happy that my daughter defines best friends as people who care for one another and who will be there when you need them, not as two people who are trying to live the same life.

I do NOT expect television to parent my children, but I do expect Disney to be a source of positive examples – and in this instance I was disappointed in Disney and Hannah Montana.

She knows it means I love her a great deal, because she knows her Daddy loves to bake and to eat sweets. Cooking is fun for me, and it’s a social thing for me as well. I cook with my mom. I cook with my wife. I cook with my daughter. I cook for dinner parties we go to, and I cook because it makes me feel good. I don’t mean “grilling” either, I mean cooking… stuffed chicken breasts, soups, stuffed peppers, chili, pot roast, cakes, cinnamon buns, crumb cake, cookies, etc., . I’ll cook from a cookbook. I improvise. I experiment. It’s something I enjoy doing.

I also eat what I cook. Again, it’s a social thing. When my family leave the house  to do something, we (I’m embarrassed to say) usually go out to eat. A night out is rarely a walk, a bike ride, or a trip to a park. It’s a trip to the movies with a giant tub of popcorn or a trip to that town with the good restaurant or a good bakery.

So, when I say to my daughter “I love you more than cookies” she has no doubt in her mind that she is very important to me.

But, there’s a part to that statement which I’m not giving enough attention to. I love her more than cookies( and donuts), so I need to stop eating those cookies and donuts (or at least eating so many). Because with each extra treat… each unnecessary calorie, I’m risking cutting short the time we’ll be able to spend together. I love her more than cookies, so why do I eat the cookie knowing it could take a year away from my life with her?

Even more, I know that she looks to me as a role model. She’s a petite and active young woman now, just as I was once a much thinner and more active young man. Circumstances change as we grow older, and I find myself now having held on to my affinity for snacks but not having maintained my active lifestyle. My daughter sees that and she knows (or at least thinks she knows) where my priorities are. I do not say that I love her more than my bicycle or more than hockey – I tell her that I love her more than cookies.

Right now, she has her mother and I telling her she can only have 2 cookies or that she should have an apple when she’s hungry. Mom has Doritos for breakfast, Dad grabs 2 cookies and 2 more for “later”. She sees that. She knows that mom gives Dad the extra big slice of cake, and she can’t wait to be old enough to be able make a batch of brownies every time she is craving a chance to “lick the bowl” just like Dad does. She also sees and hears very little about how much I exercise. I do some, but it’s far more noteworthy when I do than when I do not. I have every reason to think she’s going to follow me down this path. Why shouldn’t she?

I love her more than cookies… so why am I choosing cookies over an extra month with her and her future family?

It’s not too late… I’m not “fat”, just not the fit and active person I was 3… 4… 6… 10 years ago. And I have every reason to get back into that.

I often make the excuse that with two kids and a lot of  busy days, our house is necessarily full of junk. That’s not true, though. It’s my own fault that the kids prefer “Milk and Cereal Bars” to eggs and bacon, and the fact that such foods are in our cabinets is my responsibility as well. I do much of the shopping. We do not need 5 kinds of granola bars or Magic Shell ice cream topping. We could have more fruit and vegetables in the house.

With this post, I resolve to make a change. It’s a change I’ve made in my head a dozen times over the last two years, but today I put it (electronic) writing.

It is my hope, that doing so helps me stick with it… because I do love her (and my son and my wife) more than cookies (or donuts).

The district’s recommendation was that if you must give a student a hug, it should be the sideways, one-arm hug where the only contact is a pat on the back. The inservice leader said the “high five” was preferable and that if a student came and hugged you, you should tell them to give you a high five instead in the future. While I understand the district’s reasons for implementing these guidelines, I found myself disagreeing with them (especially at the elementary level).

Let me preface this by stating that the majority of my teaching career has been spent teaching students in grades K – 3. When I was teaching elementary school, my students hugged me all the time, and I hugged them back. My class was like a family; after all, we did spend 6 or 7 hours a day together for ten months of the year! My students often spent more time with me than their parents. In my classroom, we developed an atmosphere of respect, caring, and appreciating others’ differences. Students felt safe to take risks. And if they needed a hug, I gave them one!

Sometimes that hug from their teacher may be the only hug a child will get all day. Some of my students came from very dysfunctional families – parents may have been in jail, or there may be alcohol and drug abuse in the home. Sometimes the parents are so busy working to provide for their families, that they just don’t have time for their kids or don’t realize a hug was never given.

I believe that all children need to be loved and nurtured, and that the role of the teacher is not just to educate. Often, a teacher takes on various other roles in children’s lives: a nurturer who cares and gives hugs, a mediator/referee between those who are having a disagreement, a cheerleader to provide encouragement and remind them every child that they can do anything as long as they set their mind to it, a counselor when they need guidance or just someone to talk to, and sometimes even a provider for a child who may have come to school without eating breakfast or needing a sweater on a cold day (I know one teacher who bought new shoes for one of her students when they had outgrown their old ones and the family couldn’t afford to buy new ones).

I am a loving, caring teacher. I am proud to say that I hug my students. As a parent, this is the kind of teacher I would want my children to have. All of their best teachers have been “huggers.” My students hug me because they know I care about them. Why wouldn’t this be a characteristic we want in our teachers?

I’m Jennifer’s mom. I think it’s great the way that Jennifer and your daughter, Olivia, get along so well.

We are in a weird situation, you and me, in that our children are friends, but we hardly know each other. I know very little about you and the way you like to run your household, and you know equally little about me and my way of doing things. Sure, we can discern a few things from how the other’s child behaves, but I know my kid does plenty of things I disagree with. I’m sure the same is true about you and yours.

My daughter hopes and expects that we will become friends. I wouldn’t mind that. Since starting a family most of my social interactions are generated from my husband’s work or my children’s activities. Sometimes my daughter gravitates toward a family that I’m not too comfortable with, but I’m hoping that you and I can maybe grab coffee sometime or get our husbands together and all get together. At least as long as our daughters are friends. If their friendship dissolves, then I suppose it would be come awkward.

Speaking of awkward, there are a few things I would never say to you directly, but I really should.

• Please try not to give my daughter snacks right before a 6 PM pickup from a playdate. Odds are I will be giving her dinner shortly after, and it is both difficult and frustrating to hear that she just ate a bunch of marshmallow treats moments before I arrived.
• Please let me know if your child has invited my daughter over when other friends will be present. My daughter enjoys your daughter’s company a great deal and is sometimes disappointed when what she expects will be one-on-one playtime isn’t. Especially if the other guests are people who she doesn’t care for.
• I respect the rules and freedoms you have in your household, please respect mine. For example, my daughter is NOT on Facebook. I understand that yours has been for years, and you think it is the greatest thing. I am very familiar with how it all works, but our family will make a decision about if and when to make that move on our own. Similarly, please give me the opportunity to say “it’s all right” or “we’d rather she didn’t” when you would like to push the envelope with the kids. It’s great that you have Netflix and access to that funny R-rated comedy that was out last summer. I would like the opportunity to say whether she is allowed to watch the movie, not find out afterward that the decision was made for me.
• I genuinely do appreciate the times you take her to the movies, skating, bowling, and such and you pay for her ticket. I will try to always send her with $20 for admission and or snacks. It is very nice of you to take care of her expenses, and I hope you know we will do the same if we bring your daughter somewhere. I do ask, however, that you discourage her from taking the money that was to go to admission and using it for video games and gift shop junk. That was not the reason I gave her the money, and while it is my responsibility to advise her of that – I would appreciate your support. I also have a line at which I’m not as comfortable with you paying for ticket. A $7 movie is one thing; a $50 ticket to an amusement park is another. I appreciate your generosity but please do not put me in a difficult position if I politely say “no, thank you”.
• Finally, please be prompt with picking up or dropping off your child. If there is a problem, please give a call so that we may adjust our schedules. Our children get along wonderfully, and I do enjoy Olivia as a guest, but we often have other things in our schedule and need a 6:00 pickup to be exactly that.

That came across a bit negatively, and I apologize for that. I do enjoy Olivia and am happy she and Jennifer are friends. I do hope we can become friends independently of our children. I have been through some rough situations with parents of my children’s other friends, and I just felt it might be best to clear the air – albeit passive aggressively.

Yours,

Parent X

“Be sure to sponsor your son/daughter [insert name of child here] in the annual Jog-A-Thon. Top prizes include a free year book and lunch with the principal!”

This latest fundraiser involves the children collecting money for the quantity of laps they travel around the school’s basketball courts in 20 minutes. Basically, if I pledge $1 per lap and my son completed 10 laps, I would have to pay $10 to the cause. (I have to give them creative points for this one as it at least encourages kids to exercise.)

I fully acknowledge that the public school system is strapped for cash. I understand that a school facing budget cuts will usually cut extra-curricular activities such as the student government or chess club. I also know this, too often, is followed by severe cuts to art or music. Fundraisers are championed as a potential solution in order to pay for these programs.

However, anyone who knows me already knows that I have issues with fundraisers.

The fundraiser ‘events’ all seem to start off in the same way: an assembly is called, and whomever is running the fundraiser (usually the PTA), rallies the kids into a sales frenzy by enticing them with prizes for the top sellers. Even though I could purchase most of these ‘top prizes’ at the local discount store, the kids get hooked and they are off to the races, intent on being the top seller so they can bring home the glow in the dark yo-yo before anyone else.

This creates a dilemma for parents, such as myself, whose friends all have children of their own. Thanks to the rule of reciprocity, if my child approaches them about a fundraiser, I can expect a knock at my door from their child the next time around.

Another issue that I have with fundraisers is the sheer quantity of them. Let’s take my son as an example: between non-school activities and the school itself, we are given at least one fundraiser to participate in every month. I can’t help but wonder if my son is simply learning to be a salesperson. Not to say that sales is a bad career path; however, it is not the best fit for every child.) Most importantly, not every family can dish out the cash for this volume of fundraisers.

Children should not be peer pressured by their school system or the PTA to participate in these fundraising ‘events,’ but they are. Similarly, parents should not be put into the uncomfortable situation of having to explain to their child about why they can’t sponsor them (again) for the latest fundraiser, but we sometimes are. There has to be a better way to meet the financial needs of programs than to pressure our children to so frequently sell so many items for which most people have so little use.