Her father and I did all we could to prepare her: clothes, school supplies, some summer “school work”, a number of talks about boys, peer pressure, “mean girls” and more. We made it a point to watch some of the classic coming of age films with her and discuss the fact and fiction components of it all, but one thing we couldn’t really prepare her for was the expectations that would be put upon her by her new teachers.

My husband and I lamented the hand-holding and low expectations we saw in elementary school and have long worried about our daughter’s ability to adjust to the higher expectations she’d face in Grade 7. I’m not simply talking about more homework and a faster pace, I am referring to the changing of classes, the start of note taking, and the like.

This week we have found that our fears were well founded. After only 2 days of school, my daughter is already feeling overwhelmed and unprepared. She has yet to come up with a notebook/folder system that will accommodate her schedule. Half of the school supplies we bought are the “wrong ones” (although they are very mainstream items). And, I can’t help but wonder if this could have been avoided by two things.

1) An orientation day for new students. Our district does not bring the Grade 7 students into the middle school until the first day of school. Aside from a schedule and bus information, we received no “heads up” about what would be needed or expected during the first week of school. My understanding is that many other towns hold orientations. And our local high school does too. But, the middle school is treated as just another grade.

This would be fine if it weren’t for the disappointingly low expectations of the Grade 5 and Grade 6 teachers in our district. After watching my daughter breeze through Grades 1 – 6, I can’t help but lament the time wasted and opportunities missed to better prepare her for middle school and to have taught her more.

2) Being a student in Grades 5 and 6 should be treated less like a significant accomplishment deserving of reward and special treatment, and more like a transition period with high standards and a curriculum more like what students will see in Grades 7 – 12.

My daughter will adjust as she always does. But it pains me to see her struggle and frustrates me to know it’s an unnecessary headache for her. She should have been better prepared by her school, but the sad thing is that her elementary school and middle school won’t even compare notes so her fate is destined to be suffered by many future classes of students, just as it has been for many in the past.

• 9 of the 12 families said they planned to assist their children with the acquisition of their first car.
• Of those 9, 4 expected to pass on or sell to their child a vehicle the familiy currently owned. 3 planned to assist with the purchase of a used car, and 2 planned to assist with the purchase of a new car.
• Of the 5 intending to help their child obtain a vehicle, safety and cost were the two most highly rated factors in choosing a vehicle.

This topic became the subject of an unScientific Study when some of our staff, with a 12 year-old child, mentioned that they were looking to buy a new car and were factoring into the purchase the expectation that it would become their child’s car in 5 years. This caused them to rule out certain types of cars, and they find themselves shopping for a fairly conservative sedan instead of the more “fun” vehicles they might have purchased. Similarly, their anticipated passing on of the vehicle is a factor in the options they are selecting.

What were your experiences with and feelings about a child’s first car?  Please share your thoughts below.

The main reason for that is just kids don’t have anything to compare it to, so they like things they can relate to, and what they can relate to is simple. So as an adult, you are going to have to listen to some crap, get ready for it, dread it if you want, but you will have to accept it.

Like all things though, you have an opportunity for neat little experiences as you help a young person grow intellectually. As an example, let me tell you about my nephew and his fondness for New Kids on the Block. Something I found out about on the way home from miniature golf.

My nephew and I were talking about music. I was telling him what I like, why I liked it, and he was telling me what he liked. Now, I could have been dismissive, lord knows it’s easy. But in general when I talk to kids I like to come at it from a point of respect. That’s not to say I don’t make fun, I do, because I do that with people I respect. But I also always try with kids to explain exactly why I think what I do, so they can judge if I’m being fair, because maybe I’m not.
Here’s what I said to my nephew.

You know, it’s cool that you think this kind of music is good. However, when you learn more about music, you’re going to realize this music was mass produced by people who just wanted to make some money. I lot of really good music you have to work harder to hear, because it isn’t always accessible on the radio. So yes, definitely enjoy your music, but don’t be afraid to listen to other kinds of music, you’ll be very happy you tried it.

My nephew is a working musician now, no fooling. Quite talented and he makes my taste in music appear pretty pedestrian. The only reason I remember this story at all is because he told it to me. He told me the story of my conversation, and how it made him think about music that day, and how he decided he was done with New Kids (Sorry New Kids, that wasn’t my goal, I promise). Today my nephew is a musician. Now, I’m not really responsible for that, he’s the one that did the hard work, going to college and being in a ton of bands. But I did have a gentle hand in being encouraging and honest at the same time. Never pass on that opportunity to share an idea with a kid, you’ll be amazed what they do with it.

Hear more from Jim on The Paul Goebel Show podcast and at his Conspiracy Nut blog, http://theconspiracynut.blogspot.com/. You can also follow Jim on Twitter @ComicJimBruce.

Last night, my son asked if he could come to watch my hockey game. I was already a bit cranky in that I had to drive 20 minutes to pick him up from a birthday party, which even if it ended on time, I’d be dropping him off, rushing to get changed, and hustling out the door to my game, but the party was running late… “I don’t think so, Bud” I said.

My son was persistent though, and even though the party ended about 20 minutes late (putting me 20 minutes behind schedule), I really had no solid reason not to let him go. Yeah, he’d be getting home close to 10, but he wasn’t going to fall asleep before then anyway.  No, there would be no other kids there, but he would be okay with that and be very low maintenance. Yes, I usually went out to the bar after the game with some teammates, but I didn’t need to do that – and even so I could always drop him off at home first. “All right,” I reluctantly said.

We got home, I hurried… he hurried… this little boy who usually has a habit of making things seem more complicated did all he could to make it as easy as possible. He helped get my stuff ready, and when I finally got out the door, he was quietly waiting in the car – wearing his replica of my jersey (name and number on the back). I was embarrassed… proud but embarrassed too. I kept hinting that he didn’t need to wear it. Part of me was worried he’d get teased… but I’ll be honest, I was worried I’d be teased. Not by my friends, but by some of the other guys who know I’m not a good player and have no problem ripping a guy in front of his kid. I didn’t want my boy to hear them mock me, because he’d ask what it meant and why.

But he wore the jersey proudly, and we made it in plenty of time. He kept himself busy as I warmed up, and once I got on the court I heard one voice calling out cheering for the Green team (my team)… my son. For 90 minutes, he sat outside the fence and attentively cheered for my team as we fell behind 6-0 before scoring. At 8-2 with less than a minute left, his tired voice was as loud as ever as he cheered for us to score one more before the buzzer. I thought to myself, I actually played a decent game.   glad he came and got to see that.

And then it happened. With less than 10 seconds left, I found myself open in front of the goal while a teammate worked his way in my direction… 6… 5… 4… I never thought he’d get the ball to me but somehow he did, and I shot… less than 2 seconds before the buzzer, there it was… my first goal in nearly 8 seasons of playing.

And my son saw it all.

I was so pleased he was there, and I felt so low for having tried so hard to talk him out of it.

He beamed with pride, re-energized by the goal. He “let” me tell my wife about the goal, and while she was pleased – the disparity in their reactions only reinforced how lucky I am that he was there. Pretty soon he’s going to be too old to want to go. I’ll no longer be on the pedestal he’s built for me, and moments like this will be reduced to a line in an email.

But not this one… he was there, and although the goal itself is a meaningless accomplishment, the fact he was there means the world.

I’m not going to use this blog as a way to refute these arguments, instead I’d like to give specific examples to defend the medium that I have come to love.

Television is great because it is directly responsible for the creation of the Muppets.

Most everybody knows that Jim Henson started his career as a puppeteer at a local television show. While he was a freshman in college he created his own children’s show called Sam and Friends, a five minute program which featured puppets that anyone could recognize as early versions of Kermit the Frog and Rowlf the Dog.

What people don’t know is why Jim Henson became a puppeteer. It’s a very easy explanation. Henson’s childhood was a simple one and for his family, television was considered a luxury. So when a family friend got a television, naturally he was curious as to what it was all about. What he saw changed his life.

After spending an entire afternoon watching his friend’s TV, Henson was so determined to be on television himself, that the next day he ran down to the local television station and took whatever job he could get. The only job they had available for a young man with no experience was as a puppeteer on their local children’s show. From there, Henson went on to create one of the most beloved, creative and recognized franchises in the history of entertainment.

So whether it’s the TV shows, the films, the cartoons or the theme park rides, you have television to thank for the majesty that is the Muppets.

Hear more from the King of TV on The Paul Goebel Show podcast and at his website, www.TheKingofTV.com. You can also follow Paul on Twitter @PaulGoebelShow.

A small, simple blue puppy caught her eye – and this little stuffed animal was one of the dozen or so stuffed animals given to my son during that first week of his life.

All of the animals were cute. There was a Pooh, a caterpillar, a giraffe, an elephant, … all the staples. But the blue puppy was just the right size and softness, it was the one which he always seemed to end up with in one-animal situations, and as weeks turned into months, “Puppy” became THE stuffed animal.

When my daughter was born two years later, I was surpriseed by how many things we had to replace for our second child. Despite the seeming hardiness of the items, a number of blankets and hardgoods hadn’t made it through the first two years of my son’s life. Weeks of poop, puke, and disinfecting had taken a toll … and then there was “Puppy”.

Although Puppy was increasingly by my son’s side, he was holding up surprisingly well. The stuffing was gone from his joints (pushed into the head, paws, and body) and the fur matted down, but no holes (knock on wood) or missing eyeballs. Still, he was such an important part of my boy’s life that I thought I’d better go get another one, just in case.

I visited the hospital gift shop, and found there were no puppies at all and no means of ordering one. I hit all the stores, Buy Buy Baby, Baby Depot, Babies R Us, Kay Bee Toys, Toys R Us… scoured the internet. No blue puppy. A few look alikes, but they were the wrong size and often had a “Little Rascals”/Target like ring around one eye.

I studied the tag on Puppy and emailed the manufacturing company. I sent photos of Puppy, explained his origins and significance, and begged them to scour their inventory or point me in the direction of a retailer – domestic or international. I was terrified of what might be if anything ever happened to Puppy.

[When I was growing up, my parents would have me leave my teddy bear by the fireplace on Christmas Eve when he was on the verge of disintegrating, and Santa would use his Christmas magic to restore my bear. Great foresight on my parents' part!]

Unfortunately, the company could not help me. Puppy was a discontinued model. It was now 3 1/2 years since we bought him, and even then he was a clearance item in their eyes.

I considered making a subtle switch while my boy was still young, but no… he would notice. I thought about removing Puppy from the danger zones, but no… he belonged with my boy. [Ironically, my son is terrified of real dogs - having been chased down and pounced on behind by a neighbor's loose dog]. Puppy needed to stay.

I checked ebay to no avail. And finally resigned myself to the fact that Puppy just might not make it.

Fast forward 7 years. I still check online and in stores for Puppy-clones. My son’s seen Godzilla vs. Destoroyah, so the prospect of a Puppy Jr. becoming the new Puppy when Puppy is destroyed, would have a precedent in the whole Godzilla saga. But Puppy’s hanging in there. He’s had one small hole at the seams, and in the spirit of Toy Story, Mom rushed to patch him up. We considered adding some stuffing in while the hole was there, but decided Puppy was doing just fine on his own.

As my son turns 11 this year, Puppy’s made it through the danger zone (although I am a little worried about what horrors he might be subjected to when my boy is 13 and learning about science). For now, Puppy still has a place in my boy’s room… but when the time comes we will pack him away to be preserved for when my son wants to share him with his own children.

Senoritis is usually limited to high school seniors, although a few juniors have been found on occasion to show symptoms.  Senoritis can become contagious – especially among students who are often in close proximity of each other. Symptoms include:

A desire to skip classes (especially in the mornings, or on Fridays, or minimum days, or when the weather is nice). This desire strengthens as the school year progresses, reaching its peak around May.

Procrastination:  May show a tendency to do the minimum work required. Often manifests itself in the form of  waiting until the last minute to complete homework assignments, studying for tests, or completing projects.  This typically results in 2:00 AM cram sessions that cause parents to question why they had children in the first place.

Lack of motivation: Includes going through classes with very little concentration and a tendency to either sleep, text, or do anything except pay attention to the lesson.

Appearance of ‘short-timer’ syndrome:  A short-timer is one who is approaching the end of his/her high school career and as such begins to demonstrate a lack of caring for high school overall. Also known as “I’m outta here” disease.

Thankfully, my 8^th grade daughter has a few years before she is at risk for Senoritis, but I know it is coming.  I can already see some symptoms of ’8^th-gradeitis’ (a sister disease of Seniorits, but not as severe) in her daily routine. I am sure she will be in for a rude awakening this fall when she begins her Freshman year at the local high school.

Even with the symptoms mentioned above, I don’t believe Senoritis is all that terrible as long as it’s kept in check. I am a survivor of ‘Senoritis’.   My attitude toward school during the end of my Senior year plummeted.  By May, Fridays were known as ‘beach days’ rather than school days.

In the end, I, like the vast majority of Seniors, made it through the end of high school and was completely symptom free by the first week of my Freshman year at college.  Then again, I had my Dad – a seasoned high school teacher – who knew how to manage the disease: allowing me just enough freedom to let the disease run its course, but all along ensuring that I did not steer too far away from the path to college.

The surveys each consisted of 30 seemingly unrelated questions about preferred foods, favorite television shows, and opinons about various current events. 5 of the 30 questions were common to both tests.

1. Do you consider your mother or father a role model?
2. If you saw someone cheating on a test would you confront them about it?
3. Would you rather eat dinner at home than at a restaurant?
4. Do you read front page of the newspaper at least 4 times  week?
5. Do you think video games are a bad influence on children?

We saw a noticeable difference in the responses to these questions depending on whether or not the surveys were answered anonymously.

1. Named Surveys: 85% said “Yes”; Anonymous Surveys: 45% said “Yes”
2. Names Surveys: 75% said “Yes”; Anonymous Surveys: 25% said “Yes”
3. Names Surveys: 60% said “Yes”; Anonymous Surveys: 35% said “Yes”
4. Names Surveys: 60% said “Yes”; Anonymous Surveys: 25% said “Yes”
5. Names Surveys: 65% said “Yes”; Anonymous Surveys: 15% said “Yes”

It seems unlikely that so many of the students changed their perspectives in the 7 days between the administration of the surveys. Our theory is that the students sought to give the “correct” response when their names were linked to the surveys. When answering anonymously, the students gave a more “honest” answer, or at least a less guarded response.

With all the attention given to peer pressure, we wonder if there shouldn’t be more attention given to the pressure students feel to please their parents, teachers, and other authority figures. The importance of being yourself and holding true to your own values and desires is no less important. We also wonder how many adults fail to realize theya re often simply being told what they want to hear.

What are your experiences children trying too hard to give the “right” answer instead of an honest one? Please share your thoughts below.

You can watch the final 6 minutes of the series finale here.

I actually think it’s a very good message that Lily turns down the chance to go to Paris and live out a dream… because it’s not her dream, it’s Miley’s.

I spent much of the first 45 minutes of the episode telling my daughter how wrong I thought it was for Lily to delay going to college because she couldn’t be with Miley. The early scenes of the episode are episode are full of whining about how the two BFFs are not going to be going to college together.

As a parent, I found this desperation to be together to be one of the things I have dreaded seeing develop in my daughter’s relationships with friends. I’m glad my daughter has someone she considers a best friend, but I expect that relationship to allow her to be her own person. I want to see her care about others but look out for herself at the same time.

“A good friend wouldn’t being saying those things. That’s actually bullying, what she’s doing there” I told my daughter, as Lily moped and repeatedly took shots at Miley for considering a movie deal with Steven Spielberg and Tom Cruise.

“Oh, that’s not right. Lily should do what she wants to do!” I said as Lily decided that if Miley wouldn’t go to college with her then she wasn’t going to go to college either.

What parent doesn’t dread their child making college and career plans based soley on what their high school sweetheart or best friend might do? Not to mention that the Hannah/Miley character is hardly the most stable person for someone to be following.

So, as the episode came to a close (the youtube clip above), we see Lily at the airport, reconsidering her decision. She shows all the strength and self-confidence I would hope to see in my daughter (or son) as she tells Miley that Paris is wonderful… “the problem is it’s your dream…”. Lily’s dream is college, and in a fantastic display of maturity and foresight, she says that no one can know if there might be another movie deal or tour or distraction down the road. Lily wishes Miley well, tells her she loves her, and heads out of the airport to return to college and follow her own dream.

That, to me, would have been the right message to send. Two great friends who grew up together, and love one another like sisters, are ready to go their own way… and that’s okay because both are doing what they really want to do, each is happy for the other, and there’s no reason to think that they won’t end up together down the road – maybe on some reunion show or spin off. At the very least it’s a happy ending.

The folks at Disney must’ve considered it too because this is an alternate ending they included on the DVDs…

However, that’s not the ending they showed on cable. On television (and in the first youtube clip), we are given three minutes more to watch. We see a mopey Miley and a contented Lily each going their own ways, and then ultimately… spoiler alert…. Miley shows up at college ready to be Lily’s roommate.

The studio audience cheers, but this father booed the screen.

The message sent was “if your best friend wont compromise on her dreams, you should compromise on yours.”

Luckily, my daughter doesn’t idolize Hannah Montana , but we still spent a good half-hour talking about what might’ve happened in the finale instead of what we’d seen and whether Hannah really made the right choice.

We talked about whether Hannah would really be happy or if she might always wonder “what if?” We talked about whether Lily might’ve been better off having a chance to make some new friends and not just be in Miley’s shadow. We talked about whether Speilberg and Cruise might’ve said “you know what? Forget her, let’s just get someone else” and never offered Miley a second chance. We talked about whether Miley’s ‘sacrifice’ would make Lilly feel like or Miley expect that Lily had to be the one who gave up her dreams next?

Again, I know this is all fiction on television, but it’s (semi-)realistic fiction. And whether she loves Miley/Hannah or not, she watched the show attentively enough that we had much to talk about afterward about what my daughter would do differently (or the same) if she were in each of those girls’ shoes.

I was reassured and pleased by my daughter’s views on things, but that didn’t lessen my disappointment in Disney and the shows writers for the path they chose to take. As my daughter put it “it’s not like one of the girls was sick or there was some sort of emergency!”

I am happy that my daughter defines best friends as people who care for one another and who will be there when you need them, not as two people who are trying to live the same life.

I do NOT expect television to parent my children, but I do expect Disney to be a source of positive examples – and in this instance I was disappointed in Disney and Hannah Montana.

I’m Jennifer’s mom. I think it’s great the way that Jennifer and your daughter, Olivia, get along so well.

We are in a weird situation, you and me, in that our children are friends, but we hardly know each other. I know very little about you and the way you like to run your household, and you know equally little about me and my way of doing things. Sure, we can discern a few things from how the other’s child behaves, but I know my kid does plenty of things I disagree with. I’m sure the same is true about you and yours.

My daughter hopes and expects that we will become friends. I wouldn’t mind that. Since starting a family most of my social interactions are generated from my husband’s work or my children’s activities. Sometimes my daughter gravitates toward a family that I’m not too comfortable with, but I’m hoping that you and I can maybe grab coffee sometime or get our husbands together and all get together. At least as long as our daughters are friends. If their friendship dissolves, then I suppose it would be come awkward.

Speaking of awkward, there are a few things I would never say to you directly, but I really should.

• Please try not to give my daughter snacks right before a 6 PM pickup from a playdate. Odds are I will be giving her dinner shortly after, and it is both difficult and frustrating to hear that she just ate a bunch of marshmallow treats moments before I arrived.
• Please let me know if your child has invited my daughter over when other friends will be present. My daughter enjoys your daughter’s company a great deal and is sometimes disappointed when what she expects will be one-on-one playtime isn’t. Especially if the other guests are people who she doesn’t care for.
• I respect the rules and freedoms you have in your household, please respect mine. For example, my daughter is NOT on Facebook. I understand that yours has been for years, and you think it is the greatest thing. I am very familiar with how it all works, but our family will make a decision about if and when to make that move on our own. Similarly, please give me the opportunity to say “it’s all right” or “we’d rather she didn’t” when you would like to push the envelope with the kids. It’s great that you have Netflix and access to that funny R-rated comedy that was out last summer. I would like the opportunity to say whether she is allowed to watch the movie, not find out afterward that the decision was made for me.
• I genuinely do appreciate the times you take her to the movies, skating, bowling, and such and you pay for her ticket. I will try to always send her with $20 for admission and or snacks. It is very nice of you to take care of her expenses, and I hope you know we will do the same if we bring your daughter somewhere. I do ask, however, that you discourage her from taking the money that was to go to admission and using it for video games and gift shop junk. That was not the reason I gave her the money, and while it is my responsibility to advise her of that – I would appreciate your support. I also have a line at which I’m not as comfortable with you paying for ticket. A $7 movie is one thing; a $50 ticket to an amusement park is another. I appreciate your generosity but please do not put me in a difficult position if I politely say “no, thank you”.
• Finally, please be prompt with picking up or dropping off your child. If there is a problem, please give a call so that we may adjust our schedules. Our children get along wonderfully, and I do enjoy Olivia as a guest, but we often have other things in our schedule and need a 6:00 pickup to be exactly that.

That came across a bit negatively, and I apologize for that. I do enjoy Olivia and am happy she and Jennifer are friends. I do hope we can become friends independently of our children. I have been through some rough situations with parents of my children’s other friends, and I just felt it might be best to clear the air – albeit passive aggressively.

Yours,

Parent X