For clarification on the first revelation: I love kids. I love being the parent of my kids and get along with other kids as well. However, my kids are 10 and 13 and as such I’m done with the infant to toddler phase. My niece is a new Mom and is well equipped to handle all that comes with a 1 year old. I was too, but it’s easy to forget the effort raising a toddler: Diapers, annoying cartoons and toddler songs, safety outlet covers. My niece is in a world I was in a mere 10 years ago, but my world changed as my kids grew. I have not owned a safety cover for my electrical outlets in 5 years, and those annoying cartoons? Not anymore – my kids would rather watch Discovery channel or CSI.

Still, I was happy to celebrate the occasion and so I made the trek to the local store to pick out a toy for my darling little great-Niece. That brings me to revelation #2 and let me be clear on this point: I was not prepared for the toddler isle at Toys-R-Us. The first thing that confused me was that everything – I mean everything – seemed to be electronic. Second, it occurred to me that most toys in the 12-18 mo range were marketed as ‘educational’. Really? She’s turning one, not trying to decode human DNA. Plus, I had the ‘Cool Aunt’ reputation to uphold and I didn’t want to get her an educational toy! That’s what Grandma gets! What I wanted to get was something that was fun and could either make noise (but not too annoying for my Niece) or something that didn’t involve batteries.

My search was difficult. All the top toys had something to do with education: Fisher Price apparently has cornered the market with their “educational” toys. There is the “Laugh and Learn musical table”, “Laugh and Learn – Say Please tea set”. A ‘say please’ tea set? Can’t you just get the kid some plastic cups from the pantry and have a party? Now the tea set has to teach you to say please? And don’t even get me started about ‘Leap Frog’. I don’t think there’s a fun bone in that company! Of course all of those were quickly counted out because it was educational and included batteries.

I finally ended up with an old favorite: Sit and Spin. It met all my criteria. It was not educational, and did not require batteries. It didn’t make noise but I will assume the noise will come from my Great-Niece squealing in delight rather than the toy itself. Hopefully, I will be able to see my Great-Niece spinning to her hearts content – which is either until she passes out, falls off, or throws up. Good times for all and there’s not an ounce of education or electronics involved. It’s a toy and its fun. It’s perfect!

Happy birthday Kaylee – enjoy the toy, or at least the box it came in.

Don’t get me wrong:  they absolutely love going to the lake – they love going out on the boat, hiking the trails, and hanging out with family.  The hurdle they will have to overcome is that they will have to live without their precious media outlets.  My daughter will have to live without texting and my son without video games.  They quickly adapt (takes approximately one day), but just like an addict they go through ‘technology withdrawals’.

An article in the New York Times indicated that teenagers send and receive an average of 2,272 texts per month – almost 80 messages a day!  Combine this with Facebook and/or Twitter posts, internet searches, Television, and video games, our kids are saturated in media daily basis.  It is part of their lifestyle and their daily routine, and it is no wonder that when they are told to unplug (typically due to being grounded and losing their phone privileges) a protest is likely.

What I find really interesting is their lack of ability to truly articulate their feelings when they do lose their texting privileges. Even with the constant communication they do, they are unable to formulate a compelling argument on why they should be allowed to continue texting! I believe that it’s because they don’t have as much practice in verbal communication as I did at their age.  After all, texting typically occurs in short 180 character messages. They rarely call a friend on the phone and instead rely on the written (texting) for their comment/question.  Their messages are shorter and perhaps even more thought through. Having an actual conversation involves verbalizing your feelings immediately rather than taking a few minutes longer on how to respond to a text received – There is no backspace or edit capabilities in a verbal conversation. It makes me wonder what impact this type of messaging will have on our kids when they enter into the working world?

I think this trip is exactly what the doctor ordered.  Each year we are brought closer and have great memories of the annual lake trip.  And sure enough when we come down from the mountain the phones will come out and the texting will begin again – until next year’s trip when we do it all over again.

When the 60′s came around, people wanted something more real on television, so they were given less traditional families. A witch for a wife, a widower with three sons, a blended family with six kids and even a widowed black woman who was a mother and a nurse, not a maid, but a nurse. The public loved these newer , less traditional sitcoms and yet nobody seemed to notice that they all had one thing in common, everyone was happy and well-adjusted.

It wasn’t until the 70′s that TV sitcoms started showing folks some of the hard parts about being a family. Due to the genius of Norman Lear, American’s learned about how tough it can be to raise kids when you are a divorced mother, an impoverished widow living in the projects or a feminist living in a male-dominated world. Things got pretty real on television. Abortion, drugs, gangs and child abuse were no longer just seen on cop shows, they were problems that affected children and families in all walks of life. And yet, with the exception of the random actor who wanted to be written out of a series, everyone in the family survived. It all turned out fine.

I know I’m not the first person to recognize that real life is not like television, but I’m also not the first guy to wish that just once, his kids could come home with no bigger problem than a B in math and actually take the advice their given.

I know things are pretty tough these days. It’s hard to make ends meet, the future seems unclear and sometimes it seems like there’s nowhere to turn. But if you’re like me, Andy Griffith, Ralph Kramden or Danny Tanner, you’re lucky enough to have a close friend you can count on. Remember what neighbors and friends are for and no matter what decade in which you were born, you’re never too old for a best friend.

Of course, if you’re like Carl Winslow or Jerry Seinfeld, I got nothing for you.

Hear more from the King of TV on The Paul Goebel Show podcast and at his website, www.TheKingofTV.com. You can also follow Paul on Twitter @PaulGoebelShow.

My kids laughed and became excited for the new Chipmunks movie, but I had to wonder – did the studio really expect fans of the Chipmunks to be familiar with Titanic?

It turns out that my 9 year-old daughter HAS seen Titanic (she saw it a few days later), but she’s one of the few preteens I know who have seen the movie. Her older brother has not (heck, it’s a long film).

Obviously the “I’m the Kind of the World” scene is iconic, but I wonder what other pop culture scenes and references should kids be expected to know? As a fan of Family Guy and Robot Chicken I see many of the things I grew up with regularly referenced, but those shows are aimed more at my generation. What are kids expected to know?

In trying to think of some “must know” characters, catchphrases, and bits of dialogue I found that most my first thoughts are probably past their period of relevance:

• Dr. McCoy’s “Dammit Jim, I’m a doctor not a ________”
• The Terminator’s “I’ll be back”
• The classic Shatner-speech-pattern parodies
• The haunting music from Jaws
• Bond’s “Shaken, not stirred”

I haven’t seen Cars 2, but I understand it has a Bond-type character. How Bond-y is it? Does Pixar expect most kids under 10 to know the Bond-isms, or are they there for the adults (in which case, I don’t consider it to be what I’m talking about)?

The Fairly OddParents cartoon regularly drew upon other pop-culture characters: Dark Laser is clearly a Darth Vader reference, the April Fool is very Seinfeld-ian, Catman is played by Adam West in a clear reference to the original Batman TV show, and many more. Are those for the kids or the adults?

I’ve started giving my son some classic literature to read: Gulliver’s Travels, The Time Machine, Treasure Island, 20,000 Leagues Under the Sea, Journey to the Center of the Earth. He loves it and it will help him better pick up on the many references in current movies, books, and TV.

He’s been exposed to Godzilla, Star Wars, and Star Trek. I will try to bring in the first 2 Terminator films later this year.  We watch old game shows on GSN and lots of old TV through Netflix, Antenna TV, and TVLand. Overall though, I’m not sure where else to turn.  He’ll get some Edgar Allen Poe in school (I hope).

How important is it that he see Ferris Beuller and Better Off Dead? They’re great films, and he’s going to see them before he sees Titanic.  Maybe in Chip-Wrecked they’ll have a scene where Simon stands and stares at a painting whlie a Smiths song (covered by the Chipmunks, of course) plays in the background.

The main reason for that is just kids don’t have anything to compare it to, so they like things they can relate to, and what they can relate to is simple. So as an adult, you are going to have to listen to some crap, get ready for it, dread it if you want, but you will have to accept it.

Like all things though, you have an opportunity for neat little experiences as you help a young person grow intellectually. As an example, let me tell you about my nephew and his fondness for New Kids on the Block. Something I found out about on the way home from miniature golf.

My nephew and I were talking about music. I was telling him what I like, why I liked it, and he was telling me what he liked. Now, I could have been dismissive, lord knows it’s easy. But in general when I talk to kids I like to come at it from a point of respect. That’s not to say I don’t make fun, I do, because I do that with people I respect. But I also always try with kids to explain exactly why I think what I do, so they can judge if I’m being fair, because maybe I’m not.
Here’s what I said to my nephew.

You know, it’s cool that you think this kind of music is good. However, when you learn more about music, you’re going to realize this music was mass produced by people who just wanted to make some money. I lot of really good music you have to work harder to hear, because it isn’t always accessible on the radio. So yes, definitely enjoy your music, but don’t be afraid to listen to other kinds of music, you’ll be very happy you tried it.

My nephew is a working musician now, no fooling. Quite talented and he makes my taste in music appear pretty pedestrian. The only reason I remember this story at all is because he told it to me. He told me the story of my conversation, and how it made him think about music that day, and how he decided he was done with New Kids (Sorry New Kids, that wasn’t my goal, I promise). Today my nephew is a musician. Now, I’m not really responsible for that, he’s the one that did the hard work, going to college and being in a ton of bands. But I did have a gentle hand in being encouraging and honest at the same time. Never pass on that opportunity to share an idea with a kid, you’ll be amazed what they do with it.

Hear more from Jim on The Paul Goebel Show podcast and at his Conspiracy Nut blog, http://theconspiracynut.blogspot.com/. You can also follow Jim on Twitter @ComicJimBruce.

The Lemonade Game was a very, very early precursor to the Sim City-style games of the turn of the century. And, for those of use in Ms. Safran’s 4th Grade G&T pullout class, it was the best reward she could ever offer us.

About ten years ago, I found the Coolmath4kids website, and the first thing I did was play a 30-day game of Lemonade Stand. It only took me three “days” to recall my trademarked secret recipe with the perfect ratio of lemons to sugar to ice to make almost any day a profitable day.

The memories this rekindled alone were fantastic, but the game play remains fun and challenging enough to promote it on this site.

Whether you are someone old enough to have played the game when you were young or you work with young people aged 8 – 18, I suggest you check out the game (and the rest of the coolmath4kids site).

You can play the Lemonade Game at http://www.coolmath-games.com/lemonade/index.html.

After pouring over the offerings on PBS Kids and other channels that catered to little ones, I decided to look outside of that particular box. I started looking at channels that played things I liked and found a lot of great stuff.

Over on the Hallmark Channel, I discovered reruns of The Muppet Show and I was ecstatic. I set my VCR to record every episode and looked forward to laughing at the antics of Kermit, Fozzie, Gonzo and the rest alongside my little girl. Sadly, those dreams were dashed pretty quickly.

For some reason, my daughter failed to appreciate the brilliance of Henson, Oz and their pals. While she enjoyed the colors and funny voices, the humor was completely lost on her. As she got older, her interest continued to wane and the Muppet tapes ended up being packed away with the VCR.

I decided to give it another try when I saw an ad for Free to be, You and Me on TV Land. I thought, “How could anyone not enjoy a mix of uplifting songs and stories mixed with the hilarious comedy of Mel Brooks and Marlo Thomas?” To my pleasant surprise, she loved it.

The talking babies and cartoons with morals were a huge hit  She was particularly fond of Ladies First and I was ecstatic. We watched it together, sand the songs and had a great time. I even went so far as to buy the soundtrack to play in the car while we ran errands.

Sadly, that joy ended soon enough. As kids do, she quickly lost interest and moved on to shows that she found more compelling and I found unwatchable. This tradition continued when her sister was born and still lives today. So, as they watch Rihanna videos and Khloe and Lamar in the living room while I watch old episodes of Dr. Who in the office, I am forced to ask myself, “What part of awesome don’t my kids understand?”

Hear more from the King of TV on The Paul Goebel Show podcast and at his website, www.TheKingofTV.com. You can also follow Paul on Twitter @PaulGoebelShow.

I embraced some of these fandoms whole-heartedly (others I replaced with my own less mainstream interests, such as Dan Fouts Chargers, Dan Majerle’s Suns, The Fixx, etc., ), and I see exposing my son to these as both a parenting duty and a reward.  Of the pop-culture passions from my youth, one of the most fun to share has been Godzilla.

Godzilla, the Japanese man in a rubber suit with all the glorious toy tank smashing, Kaiju wrestling, and fantastic music, has become one of my son’s favorites, and I have happily watched him share the phenomenon with his friends.

Let me clarify that we are not speaking of the Godzilla-creature from the 1998 Matthew Broderick film (aka GINO – Godzilla in Name Only or ‘zilla), we are talking about the original TOHO monster.

My son is a fan of all the classic films, but he tends to share Destroy All Monsters or Final Wars with his friends as a gateway film, just because the target audience is so desperate for action these days. I’m not worried, though, because he will just as happily sit and watch Godzilla vs. Mothra, Godzilla vs. Destoroyah, or any of the older films.  Where I used to have to wait to watch them weekends on Channel 11 or Channel 9, he can simply hit a button on his Zune – but the passion for the films is still there.

We own all the Godzilla video games for Nintendo systems and have a couple of Godzilla toys and shirts from various sources.  One of the best things we’ve discovered was Kaiju Big Battel. We first found Kaiju Big Battel as part of Monkey Bar TV’s Action Blast! But when that show ended, we continued to follow the mayhem, and last year we attended our first live Kaiju Big Battel match.

(Someone else took this video, not me – I just found it on youtube… but you can see me in the upper right corner, wearing a red shirt, at the 6:15 mark) It was one of the greatest experiences we’ve shared to date, and I can’t wait to go back again.

That’s pretty much been my whole vibe on sharing Godzilla with my son. Sharing Star Wars has been awesome. Being San Diego Charger fans together is incredible. But there’s something about Godzilla and watching my boy sell others on the fandom that shoots it right up to the top of the list.

Is it our own fault that Hollywood continues to make awful movies based on childhood projects from the 70′s and 80′s? I remember when I took my children to see Alvin and the Chipmunks. The experience was so excruciating, I wanted to abandon them and flee the theater. Afterward as they talked about how much they loved it, it reminded me of how much I enjoyed the first revival and my parents teaching me all about Ross Bagdasarian and the genius of The Witch Doctor.

I may be late to this party but it occurs to me that the plan is for me to take my children to The Smurfs and pretend that it was their idea. Then whether I enjoyed it or not, the kids will be hooked and just like many of us, will buy the stickers, socks and key chains bearing their favorite blue creature.

Now I wasn’t a fan of The Smurfs in the first place, but I recognized their significance to pop culture. For what it’s worth, they were the first cartoon to use their own name as every conceivable part of speech and never apologized for it. The Smurfs pioneered that practice long before The Snorks appropriated it or people started using Lewinsky as a verb.

What I came to realize was that I and my generation are directly to blame for the revival and subsequent molestation of our beloved childhood icons. I knew Yogi Bear was going to be terrible but I just had to see it for myself. It was clear that The Green Hornet would be sub-par and still I shelled out good money to witness it firsthand. I even chuckled at Eddie Murphy’s gassy antics in the remake of The Nutty Professor instead of LOL-ing at the far superior original with Jerry Lewis.

So before you bemoan the fact that Hollywood insists on co-opting your childhood memories, take a look at yourself in the mirror and be thankful that Romper Room will never be remade … probably.

Hear more from the King of TV on The Paul Goebel Show podcast and at his website, www.TheKingofTV.com. You can also follow Paul on Twitter @PaulGoebelShow.

He is the villian of the original Star Wars trilogy, despite his eventual turning against the Emperor. His redemption is the result of Luke Skywalker’s efforts and the exclamation point on Lukes development into a true hero.

However, if your child was born after the release of The Phantom Menace in 1999, he or she most likely believes Anakin Skywalker is the hero of Star Wars. Yes, that Anakin Skywalker, the man behind Darth Vader’s mask.

As George Lucas continues to cash in on the Star Wars franchise, he has moved from original trilogy to prequel trilogy to Clone Wars saga, where Anakin Skywalker and his sidekick mentor Obi Wan Kenobi fight wave after wave of droids and bounty hunters. Star Wars has been reduced to a modern day version of the GI Joe cartoons from the 80s. Cartoon commercials pitting good vs. evil in weekly battles, with a handful of key characters having quirky qualities and strange sounding names: in place of Serpentor, Cobra Commandor, the Baroness, and Destro, we have the Emperor, Count Dooku, Asajj Ventress, and General Greivous. Instead of Duke, Flint, and the rest of the Joes, we have Obi Wan, Anakin, and a mix of Jedi and clone commanders.

About a year ago my co-host Elton McManus and I spent a podcast episode discussing with my 10 year old son who was the real hero of Star Wars.  Not surprisingly, my son (born in 2000) believes Anakin to be the hero. Elton, being a 30-something die-hard fan of the original trilogy railed against the notion and lobbied for Luke. At 40 years old, I find myself siding with Elton, but I can completely understand why my son feels the way he does – and it saddens me.

The original trilogy clearly focuses on Luke, while the prequels are intended to follow Anakin as he makes choices which take him down the path to the dark side and he becomes Vader. Perhaps if it was executed better, I would have found myself rethinking who was the true hero of the set of six films. Unfortunately, Episode 1 gives us almost nothing in the origins of Vader. Episodes 2 and 3 begin to show his fall – but do so in such a clunky way that Anakin is more jerk than hero. In fact, I make a case in our podcast for Obi Wan to be considered the true hero of the prequels and as much a focus of the franchise as any other character.

Having bookended the main Star Wars storyline and left the before and after times for “expanded universe” writers to explore, Lucas has chosen to wring extra cash out of the franchise by fleshing out the time between Episodes 2 and 3. The first sanctioned Clone Wars expansion by Genndy Tartakovsky was more about story telling than selling products. This well executed microseries managed to show flashes of why Anakin Skywalker was considered a great Jedi before his fall without making him a hero. We still saw the glimpses of darkness in his persona that made Episodes 2 and 3 relevant.

On the other hand, the Clone Wars cartoon movie and current Cartoon Network seriesput Anakin Skywalker on a pedestal. He is ignorant and immature, not tainted and haunted. We are not watching a character walk the fine line between good and evil, constantly being pulled toward one side or the other, and with each episode… with each challenge overcome, Anakin seems more firmly entrenched on the side of good. We have no reason to think he might slip to the dark side, and the complete dissolution of his trust in Obi Wan in Epidose 3 is difficut to envision.

So, my son, his classmates, and nearly every person under the age of 12 (most likely under the age of 16) view Anakin Skywalker as a good guy. They do not even necessarily associate Darth Vader with being Anakin Skywalker.  To them, it’s more like Anakin dies and his body (or what’s left of it) is reanimated and possessed by an evil presence. And again, why shouldn’t they?  Lucas himself has revised explained the backstory of Vader to be that of “not a monster but instead as a sad man who made a deal with the Devil…and lost.” Lucas reinforced the youthful fans’ view in 2006 when he replaced Sebastian Shaw as the ghost of Anakin in Return of the Jedi with Hayden Christiansen on the DVD release of ROTJ. He would later explain that Anakin had died when he became Vader (I’m not paraphrasing it very well, but you can read a discussion of it Lucas’ justification for the switch here).

I’m sorry, but Anakin is NOT the hero of Star Wars. Of the prequels? Maybe. Of the Clone Wars? Sure. But of the original trilogy or the single film known as Star Wars? Absolutely not. And I feel badly for my son and his whole generation that they have been misled to think so.

If you have the time, please do check out Episode 43 of An Apotheosis of a Bombast and listen to the discussion we had about this topic.  You can listen to the episode here on the show’s main website or through the various podcast aggregators -  iTunes, Zune, etc., .