Her father and I did all we could to prepare her: clothes, school supplies, some summer “school work”, a number of talks about boys, peer pressure, “mean girls” and more. We made it a point to watch some of the classic coming of age films with her and discuss the fact and fiction components of it all, but one thing we couldn’t really prepare her for was the expectations that would be put upon her by her new teachers.

My husband and I lamented the hand-holding and low expectations we saw in elementary school and have long worried about our daughter’s ability to adjust to the higher expectations she’d face in Grade 7. I’m not simply talking about more homework and a faster pace, I am referring to the changing of classes, the start of note taking, and the like.

This week we have found that our fears were well founded. After only 2 days of school, my daughter is already feeling overwhelmed and unprepared. She has yet to come up with a notebook/folder system that will accommodate her schedule. Half of the school supplies we bought are the “wrong ones” (although they are very mainstream items). And, I can’t help but wonder if this could have been avoided by two things.

1) An orientation day for new students. Our district does not bring the Grade 7 students into the middle school until the first day of school. Aside from a schedule and bus information, we received no “heads up” about what would be needed or expected during the first week of school. My understanding is that many other towns hold orientations. And our local high school does too. But, the middle school is treated as just another grade.

This would be fine if it weren’t for the disappointingly low expectations of the Grade 5 and Grade 6 teachers in our district. After watching my daughter breeze through Grades 1 – 6, I can’t help but lament the time wasted and opportunities missed to better prepare her for middle school and to have taught her more.

2) Being a student in Grades 5 and 6 should be treated less like a significant accomplishment deserving of reward and special treatment, and more like a transition period with high standards and a curriculum more like what students will see in Grades 7 – 12.

My daughter will adjust as she always does. But it pains me to see her struggle and frustrates me to know it’s an unnecessary headache for her. She should have been better prepared by her school, but the sad thing is that her elementary school and middle school won’t even compare notes so her fate is destined to be suffered by many future classes of students, just as it has been for many in the past.

• 9 of the 12 families said they planned to assist their children with the acquisition of their first car.
• Of those 9, 4 expected to pass on or sell to their child a vehicle the familiy currently owned. 3 planned to assist with the purchase of a used car, and 2 planned to assist with the purchase of a new car.
• Of the 5 intending to help their child obtain a vehicle, safety and cost were the two most highly rated factors in choosing a vehicle.

This topic became the subject of an unScientific Study when some of our staff, with a 12 year-old child, mentioned that they were looking to buy a new car and were factoring into the purchase the expectation that it would become their child’s car in 5 years. This caused them to rule out certain types of cars, and they find themselves shopping for a fairly conservative sedan instead of the more “fun” vehicles they might have purchased. Similarly, their anticipated passing on of the vehicle is a factor in the options they are selecting.

What were your experiences with and feelings about a child’s first car?  Please share your thoughts below.

My kids laughed and became excited for the new Chipmunks movie, but I had to wonder – did the studio really expect fans of the Chipmunks to be familiar with Titanic?

It turns out that my 9 year-old daughter HAS seen Titanic (she saw it a few days later), but she’s one of the few preteens I know who have seen the movie. Her older brother has not (heck, it’s a long film).

Obviously the “I’m the Kind of the World” scene is iconic, but I wonder what other pop culture scenes and references should kids be expected to know? As a fan of Family Guy and Robot Chicken I see many of the things I grew up with regularly referenced, but those shows are aimed more at my generation. What are kids expected to know?

In trying to think of some “must know” characters, catchphrases, and bits of dialogue I found that most my first thoughts are probably past their period of relevance:

• Dr. McCoy’s “Dammit Jim, I’m a doctor not a ________”
• The Terminator’s “I’ll be back”
• The classic Shatner-speech-pattern parodies
• The haunting music from Jaws
• Bond’s “Shaken, not stirred”

I haven’t seen Cars 2, but I understand it has a Bond-type character. How Bond-y is it? Does Pixar expect most kids under 10 to know the Bond-isms, or are they there for the adults (in which case, I don’t consider it to be what I’m talking about)?

The Fairly OddParents cartoon regularly drew upon other pop-culture characters: Dark Laser is clearly a Darth Vader reference, the April Fool is very Seinfeld-ian, Catman is played by Adam West in a clear reference to the original Batman TV show, and many more. Are those for the kids or the adults?

I’ve started giving my son some classic literature to read: Gulliver’s Travels, The Time Machine, Treasure Island, 20,000 Leagues Under the Sea, Journey to the Center of the Earth. He loves it and it will help him better pick up on the many references in current movies, books, and TV.

He’s been exposed to Godzilla, Star Wars, and Star Trek. I will try to bring in the first 2 Terminator films later this year.  We watch old game shows on GSN and lots of old TV through Netflix, Antenna TV, and TVLand. Overall though, I’m not sure where else to turn.  He’ll get some Edgar Allen Poe in school (I hope).

How important is it that he see Ferris Beuller and Better Off Dead? They’re great films, and he’s going to see them before he sees Titanic.  Maybe in Chip-Wrecked they’ll have a scene where Simon stands and stares at a painting whlie a Smiths song (covered by the Chipmunks, of course) plays in the background.

1)  Don’t respond to or acknowledge stupidity or meanness online.

Yes, you absolutely should defend yourself or stand up for your friends. However, do it by voice, in person. Not only is this a more effective way of resolving the situation, but also responding online will likely exacerbate the problem.

2) Type the way you speak.

You are often complimented by your teachers for your vocabulary and writing skills. Communicate the way you do in “real life.” You don’t speak with an accent. You’re not homeless or living on the street. You’re not a member of a gang. You are not rich. You know how to spell. Type in a way that reflects that.

3) Assume everyone you interact with online is naive and gullible.

I’m not suggesting you take advantage of people, but rather that you assume they “don’t get” pretty much everything. Assume they won’t get your sarcasm or wit. Assume they won’t know you’re kidding. Assume they don’t know what your pronouns mean. And most importantly, assume they’re not careful about their computers. Some of the nicest people in the world, send bad links and spam. Don’t assume they know better – they probaby don’t.

4) Become Snopes.com savvy.

Well, it doesn’t have to be Snopes, but learn how to verify those too-good-to-be-true emails and urban legends. You can find most of them at Snopes, but you can also cut and paste a few lines of any chain-email into Google and you’ll find out it’s validity (or lack thereof) in an instant. Plus, Snopes knowledge is the new bar fact.

5) Remember that your online presence is meant to complement, not replace, your real world experiences.

Call a friend on a phone. Get out and play real basketball or cards instead of virtual games. Be face to face with living people at least as often as you spend time online. And, if things ever seem to be going wrong online, be sure to remember rule 1 and address the issues IN PERSON.

Fingers crossed,

Mom X

No parent wants to see their child get rejected or fail, and nobody wants to be left out of something they really like. As parents we encourage our kids to try things which they may be interested in. We even encourage them in things they may not be so keen on but through it all we hope they will be able to grow through the experience. What parents sometimes forget is that failure is a lesson our children must learn in order to grow.

It’s sometimes difficult (and heartbreaking) to teach our kids about failure or rejection. I remember when I was young I fell off my horse and did not want to get back on. I cried, protested, and begged not to get back on the horse. However, my father did not give up and eventually I got back on the horse. The lesson was that if I dwelled on my failure, I would have never ridden again. Rather, I learned from the fall and became a better rider.

Failure is part of life. Our kids will not succeed at everything and therefore they will experience rejection throughout their lives. As parents we need to be there for them when they fail and gently encourage them to overcome their own personal obstacles rather than to dwell on them. It is through this encouragement that our children will learn to find their inner strength.

I don’t know if my daughter will make the team but I do know that she will grow from the experience whatever the outcome may be.

The reality is not only can’t your kids be anything they want; there are a lot of things they won’t even be kind of good at. If you’re 5’2”, your kid’s aspirations to be a point guard in the NBA are probably ill founded. Mascot maybe, inside a gorilla suit, dunking from a trampoline. For all of your child’s dreams, there should also be a basis in realistic expectations.

The joke I tell among adults is that you should teach your kids that they are probably going to be terrible at most things. They should try lots of things; find out what they are terrible at, and whatever is left, that’s your job. Of course that’s just a joke, you shouldn’t actually tell your kid that, yet it’s still kind of true. What we should be doing is encouraging effort, regardless of the end game.

In school we rightly focus on grades, an indicator of how well a student is doing. Sometimes though, we miss the bigger picture by focusing only on the final result. Giving a child a reward for getting an ‘A’ isn’t bad, but it may have consequences you didn’t consider. Studies have shown that if you only praise the result, children will tend to only work on things they are good at easily. So if your kid takes to math, they’ll work at it. If they struggle with grammar, they’ll tire of it, and just might give up on something they could have learned to love.

In sports and academics we have to find a way to praise the effort first, the result is the result. Your child may never be very good at sports, but they will make friends, and have a lot of fun, if they know the effort they put in matters. Likewise, if your child says to you that a particular math problem is hard, confirm that truth. Yes, it’s hard, and I appreciate how hard you are working to understand it. Isn’t it amazing what you are capable of when you try?

Your child is going to be amazing at something. When it happens, of course you are going to beam with pride, and you should. You should be just as proud, and just as lit up from the inside, when you see a valiant effort where the result isn’t as amazing. If your son struggles with reading, that progress, however small, was earned through effort. Praise that effort, and you’ll see that progress grow.

Hear more from Jim on The Paul Goebel Show podcast and at his Conspiracy Nut blog, http://theconspiracynut.blogspot.com/. You can also follow Jim on Twitter @ComicJimBruce.

Okay, okay… I have no idea if the FBI really does put people who donate to Sea Shephard or are active members of their support community on a terror watch list. In fact, I suspect they don’t do anything of note… maybe log an ip or add the names to a list buried somewhere. But what about other countries? What about 10 or 15 years from now when Sea Shepherd finds itself on the wrong side of a politically powerful movement or individual? What about the way things on the internet seem to last forever? What if my daughter goes to apply for a job 15 years from now and her love of Captain Watson proves to be a reason she’s blacklisted? What if in 2030, her company does lots of business in Japan, but she is unable to enter the country because they are retaliating against those who fought whaling in the 2010′s?  Silly, I know… right?

Now, hold on… before you blast me with criticism, please allow me to make some important points.

1. I’m not saying any of this is really gonna happen. I’m just saying, who knows how the tides may change (no pun intended) 15, 20, 40 years from now and what will be held against who by whom?
2. I understand that part of being an activist is standing up for change and what you believe in despite the risk of repercussions and it being unpopular with some people. I get that. But, my daughter’s 11.
3. My daughter’s 11, did I mention that?  She’s not quite ready to make major decisions on her own, and I’m not looking to make them for her in this arena. The Whale Warriors can’t be that desperate for foot soldiers that I have to commit her to the cause before she fully understands what she’s fighting for and against. I suspect they’ll still be there and glady accept her assistance when she’s 16 or 18 or 21 and able to choose to give it herself.
4. My daughter is 11. I want to buy her a hat and a t-shirt, not declare the actions of another culture to be against nature’s lawas. Not that I condone some of what goes on, but I’m not fully informed, nor am I comfortable imposing my morals on another culture. Yes, what’s right is right and what’s wrong is wrong… but what’s right and what’s wrong is sometimes subjective.  And I’m sure some of the things I do and the actions of some people I support would be opposed by othrs. I’m not looking to engage in that war. I eat at Mc Donalds, I think leather seats are comfortable, and I just want to buy a cute t-shirt and maybe a bag for my daughter. She’s 11, she’s allowed to support “the cause” at only a pre-teen level.
5. My non-enlistment should not be viewed as condemnation of the actions of Sea Shephard. I think they’re great. And just like many of their supporters, I follow their actions online, I agree with a lot of what they do, I watch the show, I am learning more about some of the ways I can effect change and trying to do what I can… which is more than I used to do.  I’m a casual fan, and a moderately informed supporter. I just don’t want to put my daughter at the forefront of it all, and attach her name to something she doesn’t fully understand.

So we quietly fight the fight. We pick up plastic bags from the beach, she writes her essays in school about ocean conservation issues, and we try to be good, nature appreciating people.

And I feel badly for it… like I’m doing something wrong, or not enough.

But my daughter is my number one priority, and we can enjoy and support the work of Sea Shephard from a distance, with her name off any watch lists.

I hope that’s enough for now… it should be. And if it’s not, then maybe I need to take a closer look at who I’m supporting (passively) and what they really stand for.

I think it’s fine… I don’t think anyone who matters has an issue with our casual support. But I’m a worrier, and as I said… my daughter is my number one priority, and she’s only 11.

I love summer and I love summer vacation. Unfortunately I’m not a student, nor do I get summers off from work. As a result, the summer vacation phenomena is quite a disruption to our normal family routine.  Where my kids will be out of school for 2-3 months, I will be lucky to take a week off during this time.

I work from home. When the kids are at school,my “office” is fairly quiet. However when the kids are home it’s sometimes difficult to maintain the boundaries between Mom and Career Woman. If I hear the kids argue my first reaction is to intervene as Mom.  And, if they need something their first reaction is to come into my office and bug me.  “Mom, can I go to a friend’s house?” “Mom, can I watch a movie?” and so on…  I’ve learned it takes approximately a week to re-establish boundaries so my kids understand my working time vs. Mom time.

Another adjustment required during the summer vacation is overcoming boredom.  Last year, it took 4 hours after my daughter was out of school before she said, “Mom, I’m bored”.  Ugh. I try to instill that they need to work on entertaining themselves, but I do feel for them – we aren’t wealthy enough to do something extravagant every day and finding something inexpensive to do (or better yet – FREE) is difficult.

Then there’s the reminder of the upcoming school year. Children forget the lessons learned, and it’s a difficult battle to explain to my kids on why I’m having them do homework during their summer vacation.  Educators say it can take up to two months in the fall for teachers to review old lessons and bring students up to par. By providing them a little homework throughout the summer I’m attempting to minimize the re-education process and also combat summer boredom.

There will be time to spend with family, friends, and maybe go on the occasional trip during the summer. But for those of us parents who work during the summer it’s difficult to balance work and family life, especially when the children are not attending school during the day.

In case you don’t watch Modern Family, let me tell you that you should. In addition to being a very funny sitcom it provides a rich cross-section of family archetypes to laugh at.

There’s the non-traditional gay couple who have an adopted Asian baby. There is also the family patriarch and his much younger second wife who has a son from her first marriage. Then there is the more traditional family with a mother, father and three kids. What amazes me about this show is that the traditional family is clearly the one with the weirdest and most hilarious problems.

In this week’s episode, Alex, the middle child, is graduating from middle school and has been picked valedictorian. This is cause for a variety of concerns. First there is Claire, her mom. Claire really wants to spend time with Alex getting their nails done and prettying up for her big speech. Her father, Phil, is concerned because Claire is bound to have a meltdown before the big event and he wants it to happen before he has to leave to meet his old college cheerleader buddies in Vegas and Alex, herself is concerned because her speech, which is a scathing condemnation of the popular kids in school, has to be perfect.

In addition to a host of other calamities, including a fall into a wading pool and a bad Botox decision, Phil and Claire end up in a mad dash to get to Alex’s speech on time. At one point, the bicycle they are using breaks down and so do they.

As they stand in an alley worried about how they are getting to the commencement, Phil and Claire break out in tears lamenting the fact that their little girl is growing up. As I watched this episode, I was struck with one overpowering thought. Why the hell do middle schools have commencement ceremonies?

I may have graduated a long time ago, but I don’t remember middle school being that hard. High school is where students are really tested and graduating high school is a major accomplishment that everyone should be proud of. Middle school, however, is easy enough for a thirteen year old to complete, which they do every summer. I fail to see any reason to celebrate any type of graduation other than high school or college.

To make matters worse, parents will then throw lavish parties for these students thereby lowering the bar for success so much that graduating college and finding a good job seems like pipe dream. I mean how can a mere eighteen year old attain a 2.5 grade average? It took every brain cell they had to learn algebra just 4 years earlier.

Now if you’ll excuse me, I have to take my daughter out for dinner, as she did a pull-up in P.E. today.

Hear more from the King of TV on The Paul Goebel Show podcast and at his website, www.TheKingofTV.com. You can also follow Paul on Twitter @PaulGoebelShow.

My daughter came armed with letters that Abigail had written to her husband in 1776:

“Remember, all men would be tyrants if they could. If particular care and attention is not paid to the ladies, we are determined to foment a rebellion, and will not hold ourselves bound by any laws in which we have no voice or representation.”

Did the 1st Lady really threaten that there would be a rebellion against the government? Did she really state that the laws of the government do not apply to women if they don’t have a voice? This was the forefront of giving women a right to vote! How is that not exciting! Alas, to a 1st grader, receiving a penny from the Abe Lincoln character was more thrilling.
My daughter had to research what Adams would have worn, what her childhood was like, what made her famous, and what contributions she made to history. Not only did she need to complete an essay about Adams, but she also had to come up with a costume and be prepared to answer questions as if she was Adams. She even researched whether or not Adams spoke in an ‘English’ accent. This made learning exciting and it resonated with the 8th graders. I believe it hit the mark with the younger kids as well.
I have to give it up to the teacher for encouraging her class to get to know someone from our US history. Rather than simply teaching by the text book, taking the tests, or writing the occasional essay, this teacher recognized the opportunity for the kids to truly learn about an individual who made a difference in US history. I hope that other teachers can take note of this type of teaching – finding fun and unique ways of teaching our kids about those who helped shape this nation.

I would have liked to see the parade of US figures walking down the street today – “Abigail” was also accompanied by Susan B. Anthony, Abe Lincoln, George Washington, Betsy Ross, George Washington Carver, John Adams, Sacagawea, Martin Luther King Jr., and many others. That would have been a sight to see…