My teenage daughter was another story all together. Maybe I’m getting old, or maybe it’s because I am the Mom of a teenage girl, but it seems that all of the female costumes are way too provocative. We walked into three different Halloween stores over the weekend to shop for costumes and it was the same story in all three: Costumes were divided in essentially three sections: Kids, men and women. Although my daughter is only 14, she is 5’ 10” and wears a size 5. She’s tall, beautiful, athletic, and smart (I’m her Mom and legally required to brag!). But I bring this up because she has not fit into the “kids” Halloween costumes since the 5th grade.

What was rather disturbing was the selection of the Halloween costumes available for my daughter. All of them – Yes, ALL of them were down right sleazy. I’m pretty sure prostitutes dress more conservatively than what’s available in the women’s section at the Halloween store. Here are a few names of the costumes for sale: Sexy Witch, Sexy Bat Girl, Fantasy Baseball Gal, and my all-time favorite: Sexy Zombie. Really? Who finds zombies sexy? By the way that costume consisted of hot pants and a torn up, very tight, very low cut dress, all for $59.99. I’m pretty sure I have an old dress she can cut up for zero cents, and she can skip the hot pants.

Most of the costumes had the same layout: Extremely short skirts (or in some cases you bypass the skirt and go for the super tight, super short shorts), extremely low cut tops, 6 “ heels, and fishnet stockings. Put a little makeup and do up your hair and you have what they call a Halloween costume. Most parents would never let their daughter wear anything that short, or that low cut on any regular day. So why is it suddenly acceptable to allow our kids to dress like this on Halloween? It’s not. Go over to the men’s section and there is not one single costume titled, “Sexy…”. Why? Are men not sexy? Or maybe it’s just acceptable that only women be allowed to dress like whores on Halloween. Thankfully my daughter was blessed with intelligence as well as looks and simply stated, “Mom, I’m not dressing like a slut for Halloween”. In the end, she decided on being a mobster girl, but thankfully, not the sexy one.

For clarification on the first revelation: I love kids. I love being the parent of my kids and get along with other kids as well. However, my kids are 10 and 13 and as such I’m done with the infant to toddler phase. My niece is a new Mom and is well equipped to handle all that comes with a 1 year old. I was too, but it’s easy to forget the effort raising a toddler: Diapers, annoying cartoons and toddler songs, safety outlet covers. My niece is in a world I was in a mere 10 years ago, but my world changed as my kids grew. I have not owned a safety cover for my electrical outlets in 5 years, and those annoying cartoons? Not anymore – my kids would rather watch Discovery channel or CSI.

Still, I was happy to celebrate the occasion and so I made the trek to the local store to pick out a toy for my darling little great-Niece. That brings me to revelation #2 and let me be clear on this point: I was not prepared for the toddler isle at Toys-R-Us. The first thing that confused me was that everything – I mean everything – seemed to be electronic. Second, it occurred to me that most toys in the 12-18 mo range were marketed as ‘educational’. Really? She’s turning one, not trying to decode human DNA. Plus, I had the ‘Cool Aunt’ reputation to uphold and I didn’t want to get her an educational toy! That’s what Grandma gets! What I wanted to get was something that was fun and could either make noise (but not too annoying for my Niece) or something that didn’t involve batteries.

My search was difficult. All the top toys had something to do with education: Fisher Price apparently has cornered the market with their “educational” toys. There is the “Laugh and Learn musical table”, “Laugh and Learn – Say Please tea set”. A ‘say please’ tea set? Can’t you just get the kid some plastic cups from the pantry and have a party? Now the tea set has to teach you to say please? And don’t even get me started about ‘Leap Frog’. I don’t think there’s a fun bone in that company! Of course all of those were quickly counted out because it was educational and included batteries.

I finally ended up with an old favorite: Sit and Spin. It met all my criteria. It was not educational, and did not require batteries. It didn’t make noise but I will assume the noise will come from my Great-Niece squealing in delight rather than the toy itself. Hopefully, I will be able to see my Great-Niece spinning to her hearts content – which is either until she passes out, falls off, or throws up. Good times for all and there’s not an ounce of education or electronics involved. It’s a toy and its fun. It’s perfect!

Happy birthday Kaylee – enjoy the toy, or at least the box it came in.

Don’t get me wrong:  they absolutely love going to the lake – they love going out on the boat, hiking the trails, and hanging out with family.  The hurdle they will have to overcome is that they will have to live without their precious media outlets.  My daughter will have to live without texting and my son without video games.  They quickly adapt (takes approximately one day), but just like an addict they go through ‘technology withdrawals’.

An article in the New York Times indicated that teenagers send and receive an average of 2,272 texts per month – almost 80 messages a day!  Combine this with Facebook and/or Twitter posts, internet searches, Television, and video games, our kids are saturated in media daily basis.  It is part of their lifestyle and their daily routine, and it is no wonder that when they are told to unplug (typically due to being grounded and losing their phone privileges) a protest is likely.

What I find really interesting is their lack of ability to truly articulate their feelings when they do lose their texting privileges. Even with the constant communication they do, they are unable to formulate a compelling argument on why they should be allowed to continue texting! I believe that it’s because they don’t have as much practice in verbal communication as I did at their age.  After all, texting typically occurs in short 180 character messages. They rarely call a friend on the phone and instead rely on the written (texting) for their comment/question.  Their messages are shorter and perhaps even more thought through. Having an actual conversation involves verbalizing your feelings immediately rather than taking a few minutes longer on how to respond to a text received – There is no backspace or edit capabilities in a verbal conversation. It makes me wonder what impact this type of messaging will have on our kids when they enter into the working world?

I think this trip is exactly what the doctor ordered.  Each year we are brought closer and have great memories of the annual lake trip.  And sure enough when we come down from the mountain the phones will come out and the texting will begin again – until next year’s trip when we do it all over again.

One hundred and twenty three years later, my son began a project on family and heritages.  What would a 10 year old think of his heritage? Would it be difficult for him to imagine what life was like during that time?  The story of his great-great grandparents was the same as so many Americans during that time – traveling westward to get a piece of their own American dream.  Many died, and many others turned back. But his great-great-grandparents endured the trip, and eventually settled in North Dakota.

Luckily, my Grandmother had written down her research on her parent’s travels, so my son was able to read about their adventures. I have to admit, I was much more into this slice of history than my son.  However, his interest peaked when he made the connection that lefse was from Norway (lefse is a Norwegian flatbread made of potatoes – a recipe I learned from my Grandmother which my kids love to eat today). He also thought that his 3-times Great-Grandmother’s name “Gro”, was a very strange name. I explained to him that according to my Grandmother, Gro hated her name and made her children promise not to name any of their children after her.  He also tried to imagine living in a house without a floor, since the Gullickson’s lived in what was called a ‘sod’ house and they couldn’t afford the wood for the floor.

I have a renewed respect for my heritage and I hope Logan does as well. Our ancestors took great risk during their lifetimes in the name of a better future for themselves and their children.  It’s a piece of his history that I hope he takes with him through his life.  I know I surely will.

No parent wants to see their child get rejected or fail, and nobody wants to be left out of something they really like. As parents we encourage our kids to try things which they may be interested in. We even encourage them in things they may not be so keen on but through it all we hope they will be able to grow through the experience. What parents sometimes forget is that failure is a lesson our children must learn in order to grow.

It’s sometimes difficult (and heartbreaking) to teach our kids about failure or rejection. I remember when I was young I fell off my horse and did not want to get back on. I cried, protested, and begged not to get back on the horse. However, my father did not give up and eventually I got back on the horse. The lesson was that if I dwelled on my failure, I would have never ridden again. Rather, I learned from the fall and became a better rider.

Failure is part of life. Our kids will not succeed at everything and therefore they will experience rejection throughout their lives. As parents we need to be there for them when they fail and gently encourage them to overcome their own personal obstacles rather than to dwell on them. It is through this encouragement that our children will learn to find their inner strength.

I don’t know if my daughter will make the team but I do know that she will grow from the experience whatever the outcome may be.

I love summer and I love summer vacation. Unfortunately I’m not a student, nor do I get summers off from work. As a result, the summer vacation phenomena is quite a disruption to our normal family routine.  Where my kids will be out of school for 2-3 months, I will be lucky to take a week off during this time.

I work from home. When the kids are at school,my “office” is fairly quiet. However when the kids are home it’s sometimes difficult to maintain the boundaries between Mom and Career Woman. If I hear the kids argue my first reaction is to intervene as Mom.  And, if they need something their first reaction is to come into my office and bug me.  “Mom, can I go to a friend’s house?” “Mom, can I watch a movie?” and so on…  I’ve learned it takes approximately a week to re-establish boundaries so my kids understand my working time vs. Mom time.

Another adjustment required during the summer vacation is overcoming boredom.  Last year, it took 4 hours after my daughter was out of school before she said, “Mom, I’m bored”.  Ugh. I try to instill that they need to work on entertaining themselves, but I do feel for them – we aren’t wealthy enough to do something extravagant every day and finding something inexpensive to do (or better yet – FREE) is difficult.

Then there’s the reminder of the upcoming school year. Children forget the lessons learned, and it’s a difficult battle to explain to my kids on why I’m having them do homework during their summer vacation.  Educators say it can take up to two months in the fall for teachers to review old lessons and bring students up to par. By providing them a little homework throughout the summer I’m attempting to minimize the re-education process and also combat summer boredom.

There will be time to spend with family, friends, and maybe go on the occasional trip during the summer. But for those of us parents who work during the summer it’s difficult to balance work and family life, especially when the children are not attending school during the day.

My daughter came armed with letters that Abigail had written to her husband in 1776:

“Remember, all men would be tyrants if they could. If particular care and attention is not paid to the ladies, we are determined to foment a rebellion, and will not hold ourselves bound by any laws in which we have no voice or representation.”

Did the 1st Lady really threaten that there would be a rebellion against the government? Did she really state that the laws of the government do not apply to women if they don’t have a voice? This was the forefront of giving women a right to vote! How is that not exciting! Alas, to a 1st grader, receiving a penny from the Abe Lincoln character was more thrilling.
My daughter had to research what Adams would have worn, what her childhood was like, what made her famous, and what contributions she made to history. Not only did she need to complete an essay about Adams, but she also had to come up with a costume and be prepared to answer questions as if she was Adams. She even researched whether or not Adams spoke in an ‘English’ accent. This made learning exciting and it resonated with the 8th graders. I believe it hit the mark with the younger kids as well.
I have to give it up to the teacher for encouraging her class to get to know someone from our US history. Rather than simply teaching by the text book, taking the tests, or writing the occasional essay, this teacher recognized the opportunity for the kids to truly learn about an individual who made a difference in US history. I hope that other teachers can take note of this type of teaching – finding fun and unique ways of teaching our kids about those who helped shape this nation.

I would have liked to see the parade of US figures walking down the street today – “Abigail” was also accompanied by Susan B. Anthony, Abe Lincoln, George Washington, Betsy Ross, George Washington Carver, John Adams, Sacagawea, Martin Luther King Jr., and many others. That would have been a sight to see…

My childhood existed without an allowance. We had chores and everyone pitched in to help. If I wanted something I asked Mom and Dad. If they said “no” and I really wanted it, I had to learn the art of negotiation. It didn’t always work, but sometimes I got lucky.

When I was a teenager, my parents gave me a car and a gas card – now before you assume that I was some sort of rich spoiled teen, let me explain. I am the youngest of 4 and the car was a hand me down of a hand me down of a hand me down. And that gas card? My Dad checked the mileage on my car against what I was spending at the gas station every month. The car was getting to and from school because we lived in a rural area and that’s what I needed.

Finally, when I was in college, my parents gave me an allowance. $400 a month and that included everything. I had to work within my means. I didn’t always, but for the most part it was a good life lesson on spending.

My husband on the other hand did have an allowance. He learned early on about saving for what he wanted to buy and it gave him a little independence on making his own purchase decisions. Even so, I’m riddled with questions on how it would work. What is the right age for an allowance? What am I giving them an allowance for anyway? If it’s for chores what happens when I ask my kids to do something that’s not on their ‘allowance chore list’? And, what about monitoring what they spend their money on? I fully expect an argument if my daughter purchases something with “her money” that I believe is not age appropriate.

I would like to think that I provide them with what they need. If my daughter needs a new pair of shoes, I’ll get them for her. If, however she wants a pair of shoes because she just stopped liking the shoes she ‘had to have’ a month ago, then I’ll pass. Should she be allowed to spend “her money” on the new shoes?

On one hand, I could give them allowance to buy want they want with “their money”. On the other hand, should I really encourage my children to spend money on items they may want today but actually do not need? My 10 year old son changes his mind at the drop of a hat – and don’t even get me started on the ever changing trends of a teenage girl. Today’s precious items become tomorrow’s garage sale junk piles and the $50 neon Vans special order shoes are not as special after a month or so.

There are benefits to getting an allowance – your children start to learn about money, and if you set up a savings account it’s a great lesson on banking and savings. It’s also a valuable lesson on giving a percentage to charitable causes. This is one of those items in my house that will remain undecided – for now. At least kids will still need to do their chores.

Thinking that it may be a good lesson for my kids to learn about issues facing their community, I bribed brought them along with me.  Reluctantly, they came along and went door to door dropping off flyers and talking about the local parks.

Going door to door is not what young kids want to do. It can be time consuming, seemingly endless, and overall pretty boring.  This exercise in getting my kids to care about local politics was met with a lot of resistance.

Overall, they lasted for about 20 minutes before the complaining began.  “How much longer?” “Mom I’m hungry.” ‘Mom can I go to a friend’s house?’ … And so on.

It’s not that my kids don’t care about parks – they do. They frequent our community parks, and when I told them that they were in jeopardy of closing they were truly concerned.  However, their concern was not enough to want to spend 4 hours on a Saturday walking door to door “spreading the word.” It was in the height of their complaining that it hit me. Their feelings mirrored so many adults in our community.

Did they like the parks? Yes. Were they concerned over losing parks? Yes. Were they compelled to take action?  Well, sort of… Four hours of walking door to door was too much for my kids. Their feelings of ‘concern’ were simply not enough to drive a need to take that sort of action. What is the answer to the question, “How do I encourage my kids to take action on issues they care about?”  It really starts at home.

First, if they see that I do something about an issue that is facing the community, they may be driven to take action for something they care about.  Second, ask for their opinion on issues. It may not be about the same issues you care about, and face it parents they may (and probably will) have a different opinion than you. The importance is in their desire to express their opinion on something. Kids may not be able to vote, but they can still be encouraged to express themselves. Finally, encourage them to take action and support them!  Give them the opportunity to express themselves over what they care about – but just keep in mind their method of expression may not be the same as yours!

In my case, I deeply care about parks so I was willing to volunteer my time on a Saturday morning. My kids care about the parks as well, but in hindsight I should have encouraged them to take action by expressing themselves in a way they felt comfortable with. In the end, my 13 year old daughter passed out flyers to her friends rather than doing door to door. She also posted comments about the issue on Facebook and texted her friends to spread the word about parks.  Although my 10 year old son stuck it out with me going door to door, his action was helping set up for one of the parks events.  When I go out again this weekend, I’ll leave the kids at home, but will continue to encourage them to stay informed, be involved, and express themselves in a way that is rewarding to them.

Senoritis is usually limited to high school seniors, although a few juniors have been found on occasion to show symptoms.  Senoritis can become contagious – especially among students who are often in close proximity of each other. Symptoms include:

A desire to skip classes (especially in the mornings, or on Fridays, or minimum days, or when the weather is nice). This desire strengthens as the school year progresses, reaching its peak around May.

Procrastination:  May show a tendency to do the minimum work required. Often manifests itself in the form of  waiting until the last minute to complete homework assignments, studying for tests, or completing projects.  This typically results in 2:00 AM cram sessions that cause parents to question why they had children in the first place.

Lack of motivation: Includes going through classes with very little concentration and a tendency to either sleep, text, or do anything except pay attention to the lesson.

Appearance of ‘short-timer’ syndrome:  A short-timer is one who is approaching the end of his/her high school career and as such begins to demonstrate a lack of caring for high school overall. Also known as “I’m outta here” disease.

Thankfully, my 8^th grade daughter has a few years before she is at risk for Senoritis, but I know it is coming.  I can already see some symptoms of ’8^th-gradeitis’ (a sister disease of Seniorits, but not as severe) in her daily routine. I am sure she will be in for a rude awakening this fall when she begins her Freshman year at the local high school.

Even with the symptoms mentioned above, I don’t believe Senoritis is all that terrible as long as it’s kept in check. I am a survivor of ‘Senoritis’.   My attitude toward school during the end of my Senior year plummeted.  By May, Fridays were known as ‘beach days’ rather than school days.

In the end, I, like the vast majority of Seniors, made it through the end of high school and was completely symptom free by the first week of my Freshman year at college.  Then again, I had my Dad – a seasoned high school teacher – who knew how to manage the disease: allowing me just enough freedom to let the disease run its course, but all along ensuring that I did not steer too far away from the path to college.