The main reason for that is just kids don’t have anything to compare it to, so they like things they can relate to, and what they can relate to is simple. So as an adult, you are going to have to listen to some crap, get ready for it, dread it if you want, but you will have to accept it.

Like all things though, you have an opportunity for neat little experiences as you help a young person grow intellectually. As an example, let me tell you about my nephew and his fondness for New Kids on the Block. Something I found out about on the way home from miniature golf.

My nephew and I were talking about music. I was telling him what I like, why I liked it, and he was telling me what he liked. Now, I could have been dismissive, lord knows it’s easy. But in general when I talk to kids I like to come at it from a point of respect. That’s not to say I don’t make fun, I do, because I do that with people I respect. But I also always try with kids to explain exactly why I think what I do, so they can judge if I’m being fair, because maybe I’m not.
Here’s what I said to my nephew.

You know, it’s cool that you think this kind of music is good. However, when you learn more about music, you’re going to realize this music was mass produced by people who just wanted to make some money. I lot of really good music you have to work harder to hear, because it isn’t always accessible on the radio. So yes, definitely enjoy your music, but don’t be afraid to listen to other kinds of music, you’ll be very happy you tried it.

My nephew is a working musician now, no fooling. Quite talented and he makes my taste in music appear pretty pedestrian. The only reason I remember this story at all is because he told it to me. He told me the story of my conversation, and how it made him think about music that day, and how he decided he was done with New Kids (Sorry New Kids, that wasn’t my goal, I promise). Today my nephew is a musician. Now, I’m not really responsible for that, he’s the one that did the hard work, going to college and being in a ton of bands. But I did have a gentle hand in being encouraging and honest at the same time. Never pass on that opportunity to share an idea with a kid, you’ll be amazed what they do with it.

Hear more from Jim on The Paul Goebel Show podcast and at his Conspiracy Nut blog, http://theconspiracynut.blogspot.com/. You can also follow Jim on Twitter @ComicJimBruce.

We’re in the fruit section of the grocery store, and mom picks out a bunch of bananas.  She hands her son, who is about five years old, a banana.  Her son starts crying about the piece of fruit, saying, “You gave me a banana!”  Mom says, “You didn’t want a banana?”  To which the son again says, “You gave me a banana!” in even bigger hysterics.  She asks if he would like her to take back the banana.  Same response.  She asks if he would like a different banana.  Same response, he’s just very upset that she gave him a banana.

So to recap the situation mom found herself in, the child was upset not at something he did not get, but at something he was given, a piece of fruit.  Mom stayed cool, and calm, and continued to reason with the child.  No mean trick, because a five year old doesn’t have reasoning skills.  But these are the moments when they develop.  Getting to the bottom of a child’s perceptions is tricky, and it’s very easy to give in to anger and miss an opportunity.

I don’t know if we ever got to the bottom of did he or did he not want a banana, but she did get the child to calm down without placating and without yelling (by the way, if you yell sometimes, that’s fine, you’re human).  Now, something else you should know.  Her child is autistic.

When you are in the grocery store, and you see other parents dealing with a child, and you think they are being pushovers, you think the child should be spanked, you just plain think it should be handled differently, remember, you don’t know the story.  I heard some people at that grocery store wonder aloud what that mother’s problem was.  I will answer their question.  She didn’t have a problem.  She was in the grocery store with an amazing kid who needs some extra attention so he can grow up and function.  The problem lies in the adults who forgot about compassion, and forgot, more importantly to shut their mouth until they had the whole story.  Love to child and mother.

Hear more from Jim on The Paul Goebel Show podcast and at his Conspiracy Nut blog, http://theconspiracynut.blogspot.com/. You can also follow Jim on Twitter @ComicJimBruce.

The reality is not only can’t your kids be anything they want; there are a lot of things they won’t even be kind of good at. If you’re 5’2”, your kid’s aspirations to be a point guard in the NBA are probably ill founded. Mascot maybe, inside a gorilla suit, dunking from a trampoline. For all of your child’s dreams, there should also be a basis in realistic expectations.

The joke I tell among adults is that you should teach your kids that they are probably going to be terrible at most things. They should try lots of things; find out what they are terrible at, and whatever is left, that’s your job. Of course that’s just a joke, you shouldn’t actually tell your kid that, yet it’s still kind of true. What we should be doing is encouraging effort, regardless of the end game.

In school we rightly focus on grades, an indicator of how well a student is doing. Sometimes though, we miss the bigger picture by focusing only on the final result. Giving a child a reward for getting an ‘A’ isn’t bad, but it may have consequences you didn’t consider. Studies have shown that if you only praise the result, children will tend to only work on things they are good at easily. So if your kid takes to math, they’ll work at it. If they struggle with grammar, they’ll tire of it, and just might give up on something they could have learned to love.

In sports and academics we have to find a way to praise the effort first, the result is the result. Your child may never be very good at sports, but they will make friends, and have a lot of fun, if they know the effort they put in matters. Likewise, if your child says to you that a particular math problem is hard, confirm that truth. Yes, it’s hard, and I appreciate how hard you are working to understand it. Isn’t it amazing what you are capable of when you try?

Your child is going to be amazing at something. When it happens, of course you are going to beam with pride, and you should. You should be just as proud, and just as lit up from the inside, when you see a valiant effort where the result isn’t as amazing. If your son struggles with reading, that progress, however small, was earned through effort. Praise that effort, and you’ll see that progress grow.

Hear more from Jim on The Paul Goebel Show podcast and at his Conspiracy Nut blog, http://theconspiracynut.blogspot.com/. You can also follow Jim on Twitter @ComicJimBruce.